In my book, Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition, I share about anchoring practices for challenging times. In this post, I describe the linked writing and tarot practice that has helped me navigate a difficult period of change recently. So powerful for me as a grounding and clarifying practice, I hope the writing and tarot insights below provide tips and ideas you can apply in your life.
Challenging times and writing practice
With the sudden death of my beloved partner Keith in late 2022, everything changed and life was difficult. I felt so lost as I navigated the shock and unexpected challenges. This went deep, touching every aspect of my being and daily life with uncertainty.
I am a regular writer. Call it Morning Pages, journalling, daily writing – whatever works for you. I call it Morning Pages, but I make it my own, writing any time of the day, as much or as little as I want. But with Keith’s sudden death, the shock meant I couldn’t immediately engage with these regular practices that supported me like swimming, writing and tarot. I was just surviving day to day in the fog of grief, making it through the initial shock, organising the immediate priorities.
After about two weeks, I returned to the page, writing to make sense of what had happened, was happening. I tapped into that rich weave of practices I already knew as I navigated this time. It has helped immensely. Over time, this practice has grown stronger, helping me navigate the difficult circumstances and intense emotions of deep grief. It continues to support me every day as I move through the stages of grief.
So here is what that practice now looks like and how it might help you.
First steps, working digitally and connecting practices
I write Morning Pages on my computer in a Google doc and I have done this for years now. Here are some reasons:
I have osteoarthritis so it is easier on my hands.
I can search the document for when the same tarot cards and themes have come up before and learn from my own insights.
It is private, transportable, easily accessible anywhere, anytime.
I copy and paste the weekly oracle card, monthly intentions, word of the year – whatever is important – to keep front of mind as I write.
I have a connected practice with the lunar cycle, monthly intentions, a weekly oracle card, and a daily tarot card. Writing helps us live more consciously and reflectively. Tarot is a way of tapping into our unconscious, what is just beneath the surface, making connections between what we might otherwise miss. It is a powerful source of self-awareness, self-leadership and conscious living. Connecting the two, writing and tarot, and making sure we have our intentions in front of us provides a powerhouse of guidance.
Example from my Morning Pages practice
Here is what a recent ‘frontispiece’ to my Morning Pages writing looked like:
Gibbous Moon (Doing) – I trust that the perfect intention is coming into form at the perfect time. New moon intentions for this cycle: Virgo: I find safety in connection. I nurture my most honest hopes and dreams for the future. Aquarius: Each day is an opportunity to live a life that feeds me and improves my sense of wellness Soulful Woman card of the week: 7 Loving from the Inside – It is a blessing to give myself the gift of my own presence. Card for the day: Strength – fortitude, patience, gentle power (The Spacious Tarot) ‘Strength coaxes you to take a gentle but confident approach. There is a similar boldness in Strength as that found in the Chariot, but there is more grace and softness here. Strength affirms that you can bloom delicately even if you find yourself in a harsh environment. Approach challenges with fortitude, instead of ruthlessly bulldozing forward. Find empathy for the terrain you find yourself in. Have the patience to understand your circumstances and find ways to work with them instead of against them. The cactus lives in a dry environment yet holds reserves of water within. As such, this card reminds you that you also have great reserves of gentle power. Tap into those reserves. You are strong and compassionate – believe this, know this, and act accordingly.‘
Sources and scene setting for writing and tarot
Here are some sources for the entry above that support me:
I copy over the previous days ‘frontispiece’ as a template and some of it stays the same. This all sets the scene, helping me to focus and keep in touch with the lunar cycle and my intentions. I often check in with other tarot guides. The Gentle Tarot deck and Guidebook and The Creative Tarot by Jessa Crispin stay on my desk for further insight.
But the ground-breaking piece in this time of change has been connecting the daily tarot card with other occasions when it has arrived. Searching through my current and previous Google Morning Pages documents, I can see where this tarot card has come up before. Engaging with this has yielded powerful insights and learning.
Learning from our own wisdom
Working with a Google Doc makes this so easy. Using the Edit/Find and Replace function and popping in the card’s name, we can locate other times it has come up. It helps us see if it’s a frequent, rare or new card arriving. If it is a card that has popped up many times, that is enlightening. What did we reflect on last time and learn from its arrival?
I scan through the previous times and see what was happening: circumstances, emotions, realisations, priorities, how I coped, what I moved through, recurring struggles. Often I see the progress I have made and that in itself is helpful. We forget how far we have come in challenging times, often focusing on what is before us now. I frequently uncover useful insights, tools and wisdom that I apply anew as an anchor in uncertain times.
Sometimes I copy the text and learning from that time as a way into today’s writing and reflections. I come across lists of ideas already brainstormed I can add to or draw from. This method helps you rediscover a forgotten body of work with the links between writing and tarot strengthening focus.
Try linking writing and tarot more consciously!
It might seem like a lot and sometimes it takes time, but once in the rhythm, it is easily and quickly done. The insights gained far outweigh the time involved. It helps to stitch your progress into the fabric of your ongoing experience. Setting up this platform helps to have richer and deeper awareness to guide you forward. You also identify where you’re going over the same ground and need to try a fresh approach.
The reason I started using a digital approach to Morning Pages was twofold: my hand condition and exploring the advantages of digital methods. I have benefited in both those ways and many more. It provides a structured way to tap into your intuition and go deeper with writing and tarot. The outcomes for supporting you in navigating challenging times are supportive and anchoring.
So try it and see how it works for you. We all need frameworks, guides and anchors in swirly, uncertain times. And you can always fashion your own practice. You can find more tips, strategies and frameworks to inspire conscious, intuitive living in challenging times in Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition and the Wholehearted Companion Workbook. Wholehearted is available in audiobook, print and ebook here.
Thoughts on moving from one transition phase to the next and the different shapes transition takes. Also with tarot and reflection prompts!
The Sixes are all about journeys. After the feeling of being blocked with the Fives, you have finally moved past that and are now able to make progress again. Sometimes you’ll know where you are going, and sometimes you will not. Sometimes you will be excited to be on an adventure, and other times you’ll be simply plodding forward, hoping that your circumstances will change. No matter how you feel about what you’re doing, however, the Sixes do imply that you are on the right track. The direction you have picked is the right one. All you need to do is keep moving forward.
The Creative Tarot – Jessica Crispin
Transition takes different forms, sometimes a distinct turning point and other times a slower burn or less well-defined, uncertain intention. Having written two books about transition and also been through a major transition over about five years, I know a thing or two about navigating transition times. But you know what? I am still learning more about the nature of transition and the different forms it can take. I share thoughts on moving from one major transition phase to the next transition phase of a different kind. Here are messages from reflecting on the recent past and a new reckoning transition phase
.
What transition looks like
Transition times can look like a specific event or a turning point where life is irrevocably different or you know it means no going back. That typifies major transition experiences and examples such as:
Knowing you won’t stay in a job role any longer.
Leaving a location or moving house.
Leaving or experiencing the loss of a relationship..
Death of a loved one.
Deciding on a phase of life change like retiring or leaving paid employment.
Becoming a carer, parent or empty nester.
What transition also looks like
Transition can also look like a slower burn, a less defined desire, a sense of unease and uncertainty. There may be triggers and turning point events that make you reflect on where you are and where you are heading. But they might be quieter disappointments or feelings. Experiences gather over time to send a message about where you might head next. Or perhaps they simply say in different ways: ‘This needs to change, it’s unsustainable, it’s not what you really want.’
Transition can look like: integration, recalibration, different priorities, alternative choices, choosing more rather than less, working out your own unique path. Examples from my experience and the women I coach include:
deciding that a career choice is not an either/or; it’s a both/and – realising you can be both a corporate employee and a coach.
working out where writing and other creative priorities fit within your life and making space for them.
negotiating life post paid employment as the main focus and seeing what that landscape might look like eg casual days of working, self-employment, creative projects, volunteer work, investing, property development, travel, consulting – or a mix of some or all of these.
embarking on a new career via studying or learning a new skill like coaching, professional writing, psychological type, shamanic healing, self-publishing.
expanding self-expression and support for others via writing, publishing, social media and podcasting.
Long-term government employee (30+ years) no longer feels valued or finds satisfaction in her employment. She takes steps to craft a new life based on the creative and writing goals that are dear to her heart. Up-skilling in coaching, psychological type and tarot as guides and supports, she creates a new life focused on self-employment and building on the resources and skills already developed in life with her partner. Reflecting on and sharing about the experience enables her to coach and write books to make sense of this journey and to support others along the path.
Along the way Sacred Creative Collective Group coaching brought together midlife women seeking deeper meaning and creativity via a skills, community and project focus. I created the Personality Stories ecourse and coaching program for 1:1 guided support with personality insights.
Seeing a need, I volunteered to help AusAPT, the Australian Association for Psychological Type with social media and communications. This I continue to do as well as becoming President of AusAPT in 2020, leading psychological type learning and community in Australia.
In October 2021, fulfilling a long-held desire, I launched the Create Your Story Podcast featuring inspiring conversations on personality, creativity and self-leadership. In the past twelve months, I launched (and created) two books, the podcast, the Wholehearted Self-leadership Book Club and The Writing Road Trip with Beth which includes a free 6 day challenge, 6 week Writing Road Map course and 6 month Writing Road Trip membership program.
It’s been a blast and a huge five years of creativity and major transition.
The publication of two books on my 60th birthday in September 2021 felt like the beginning of the end of that transition phase. Fulfilling a long held writing dream, people were reading my books. I was building on that body of work and still do. But I felt like I moved into a new transition time. It is one of reckoning, inventory, prioritising, refocusing and realigning. I’ve created and learnt so much, but I’ve had to look at how I want to live my life. And how I can make the most of what I’ve already done and go further. I’m asking myself questions like:
How can I do more of what I enjoy like writing and content creation?
Where does writing fit with coaching? – a perennial question in this midlife transition
How can I launch in less labour-intensive ways?
What about writing the novels and other books I long to create and self-publish? Where does that fit?
How much is this ecosystem of coaching and writing costing (time, money)? Is this sustainable?
Do I want to be freer to travel more without restrictions – if not now, into the future?
How can I work in partnership more as I have done with Beth with great success, providing support, backup, new insights and skills?
And to be perfectly honest, there are days when I think, I could just let this all go and not coach or write any more. Just relax and read and enjoy my days. But would this be fulfilling? Is it what I really want to do with my life? (Actually, no! Creativity is a strong motivating force and value as is making a difference in the lives of others.)
Six of Swords arrives again
If you’ve read Wholehearted, you will know the Six of Swords features as a pivotal tarot card recurring during my time of transition. And guess what? It arrived again recently via The Spacious Tarot with this beautiful card.
As Jessa Crispin reminds us in The Creative Tarot, the Sixes are all about journeys and about moving on from that place of feeling blocked. I have felt quite blocked for the past few months. It hit after experiences of exhaustion and disappointment including:
exhaustion after 12 months of launching continually.
disappointment after not being able to have live launch events for my Wholehearted books.
book sales generally being slower than I would like.
It coalesced as an overall sense of disappointment of where I thought might be now – especially the number of readers, reviews, clients, income. But if I look at what I’ve achieved, it is significant and extraordinary. Part of the reckoning process is looking at achievements, creations, taking stock and acknowledging the immense learning and creativity. Now I need to move into building on all of this in a new way, not letting disappointment or expectations stop me. And I am well-placed to do that.
Eight of Swords follows up with a message
A couple of days later, the Eight of Swords followed up with a message about how we choose to be blocked and avoid taking action. It’s easy to get stuck in a phase of being blocked. A common image of the Eight of Swords is a woman in a (possibly) self-imposed blindfold or form of captivity. In The Wild Unknown, it is a pupa phase, full of the opportunity of turning into a butterfly. As we move on, it’s important to work out the one or two actions that might take us into the next transition phase. Taking off the blindfold off and stepping into being free to transform.
Eight of Swords in various tarot decks. Top, left to right: Rider Waite Tarot, The Robin Wood Tarot, The Sakki Sakki Tarot; Bottom row, left to right: The Fountain Tarot, Dame Darcy’s Mermaid Tarot, The Wild Unknown.
Moving through to the next transition
I’m heartened by the message of the Sixes that this is the right path as I know it is. And that I need to keep moving forward. The Eight of Swords suggests how – one valuable step at a time.
Transition and transformation is an iterative process. We end one phase and move on to another all the time; sometimes longer journeys, other times shorter ones. I hope these messages from the next phase of transition help you with any changes you may be moving through.
Here are some questions to reflect on or journal about your current or next transition:
Where are you feeling you are on a transition journey?
Are you beginning, in the middle or nearing the end of one cycle of change?
If you are feeling like you are in that messy and uncertain middle, what frameworks might helps as guides? (See my Wholehearted books for many tips on this!)
Where are you feeling stuck and why?
How can you take inventory of your achievements, operations or skills to help you move forward?
What have you already created and what can you repurpose or use as a springboard? (I have a Content Repurposing Strategy list of ideas to inspire me! We don’t have to start from zero – you most likely have so many starts underway.)
What are the one or two actions you can do now to move forward?
Warmest wishes for the next transition steps or phases you are going through. I’m here to help and support you. Just shout out or explore my books or body of work for insights. Links below.
About the author and resources to help you
Terri Connellan is an author and life transition, creativity and personality coach for midlife women in transition to a life with deeper purpose. Terri works globally through her creative business, Quiet Writing, and Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition and the Wholehearted Companion Workbook are published by the kind press.
Welcome to Episode 10 of the Create Your Story Podcast on Intuiting, Channelled Writing and Connecting.
I’m joined by Natasha Piccolo, Mama, Author, Speech Pathologist, Life Coach and Small Business Owner .
We chat about Natasha’s soon-to-be-published book, The Balance Theory and how it was written in a channelled way. And Natasha’s multi-faceted life and the threads that connect it together.
You can listen above or via your favourite podcast app. And/or read the notes and links below. Here are the highlights and the full transcript is below.
Show Notes
In this episode, we chat about:
Following your intuition
Writing The Balance Theory
Channelled writing
Knowing when a book is finished
Dealing withloss
Being in balance
Healing our inner child
Connecting as a core value
Multiple life roles and how they connect
Mental health challenges + learning
Practical self-care tips
And so much more!
Transcript of podcast
Introduction
Welcome to Episode 10 of the Create Your Story Podcast and it’s the 20th of January as I record this. We’re enjoying pretty much the heart of summer here with magical swims in silky water and many fish swimming around us. It’s truly joyful!
I’m excited to have the lovely Natasha Piccolo join us for the podcast today to chat about Intuiting, Channelled Writing & Connecting.
Natasha Piccolo is a mama, small business owner and author. She is always up for a good chat as her main work roles include clinical Speech Pathology and coaching. Her business, Resonate Holisticassists clients to facilitate healthy communication across the life span. Her first book, The Balance Theory is out in March with the kind press. She has recently contributed to This I Know Is True – a collection of stories to inspire community progress alongside 18 other women in the health and wellness space. Natasha hopes that her words motivate others to live a life that is consciously aligned.
Natasha and I met through Instagram and as fellow authors in the kind press community. It’s been wonderful watching Natasha’s journey as a writer and author, and we discuss writing her book The Balance Theory as an intuitive and channelled writing process over 10 years which is fascinating. Natasha has many strings to her bow and we chat about the common threads of these roles and passions in her body of work. Natasha also speaks about her mental health challenges, the difficulties and the learning and perspective they provided over time. Natasha is a wise young woman with much to share so enjoy these insights and the very practical tips provided.
In my writing and coaching life, this week I’ve enjoyed working through Chapter 1 of Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition with the Book Club group that has formed. The ability to work through Wholehearted with a group of women focused on transition is a real joy. There’s nothing like working through a book you’ve written in a practical way with women applying the insights. A coaching and reading community program that will be offered on a regular basis, consider joining in for the next round.
The other focus right now is The Writing Road Trip Free Challenge I’m hosting with my friend, co-writing buddy and brilliant writing teacher, Beth Cregan. The challenge starts on 31 January with 6 free 30-minute workshops over two weeks. So, sign up for our mailing list now. We’ll be sending out the Challenge information this Friday (21 January) with a link to our private Facebook group and the Challenge Workbook. We are going to have so much fun, and you’ll be inspired to engage with your writing plans and writing self in new ways. Plus connect with others also focused on writing. So, if writing is a priority for you in 2022, join us. Links are in the show notes. Head to quietwriting.com/podcast and click on Episode 10.
I also shared how my word of the year is NOVEL and what that means over on Instagram @writingquietly if you want to check that out. It’s a mix of excitement and a little fear as often happens when we step up into a bigger or different version of ourselves. I look forward to sharing more about that with you in 2022.
So now let’s head into the interview with the wise, intuitive, multi-faceted, creative Natasha Piccolo!
Transcript of interview with Natasha Piccolo
Terri Connellan: Hi Natasha. Welcome to the Create Your Story Podcast.
Natasha Piccolo: Hi, it’s beautiful to be here.
Terri Connellan: Thank you. And thank you for your connection and your support of Quiet Writing.
Natasha Piccolo: Thank you. You’re a beautiful inspiration. So I’m more than honored to be here.
Terri Connellan: Ah, that’s wonderful. And I’m so looking forward to our chat because you too are a fantastic inspiration. And we connected around writing and publishing as fellow authors in the kind press, which is very exciting. It’s been wonderful to watch your growth as a writer and an author. So, can you provide an overview of your background about how you got to be where you are and the work you do now?
Natasha Piccolo: It’s a beautiful, big question. I’m a wearer of many hats. Professionally and clinically my role is a speech pathologist, with a life coaching context as well and that’s shaped so much of my worldview. But then on a personal level, in terms of being an author, an upcoming author, that’s just, I think, innate to who I am. So I’m now 30 and I’m at a point in my life where these two beautiful worlds are starting to come together and here we are. I’ve followed nudges. I think that’s the best answer here is that I’ve just followed the intuitive hits and I’ve created this union of who I am at the very core with my external roles. And I wanted to write it all down and tell some stories.
Terri Connellan: Beautiful, what a beautiful blend. And it’s amazing that you’ve been able to bring so much together at the age of 30. And particularly as you say, following your intuition that’s very wise. And I think something that often takes a long time to develop. So congratulations on following your intuition. I think that’s a great skill.
Natasha Piccolo: Thank you. I think it’s something that I didn’t really realize I was doing until probably the last three years when I really did have a big spiritual awakening. And I realized the whole time I was being guided by nudges and that was coming through in the form of meditations. And I thought, hmm I think this little voice has always been here. It’s intuition. That’s what it is.
Terri Connellan: Yeah, absolutely. It’s amazing. You might’ve heard of the Wholehearted Stories that are on Quiet Writing and women tell their stories. And it’s amazing how intuition features as such a strong theme of women of all ages particularly when they’ve had a big transition, like a turning point or when they’re going through difficult times. It’s just fascinating how intuition pops up as a theme.
Natasha Piccolo: Absolutely. I always liken it to the inner child voice. So when I think about it, the childhood version of me is the voice that I listen to, as funny as that sounds, and as I became more and more adult and the conditioning around that developed, I realised that it was that little girl that I was listening to the whole time. She’s the creative side of me.
Terri Connellan: Oh, I love that. A great way to personalise it. Thanks for that wonderful overview. So we have both recently enjoyed, or we are enjoying the process of taking a book from that crystal or that gem of an idea through to draft, through to published book. Your book, The Balance Theory is ahead of publication in early 2022, which is very exciting. So congratulations.
Natasha Piccolo: Thank you so much. We officially launch in March.
Terri Connellan: Yeah, that’s fantastic. Tell us about your writing journey, what it was like for you.
Natasha Piccolo: The journey of The Balance Theory. It was completely channeled. And when I say channeled, it was listening to that little niggling voice of intuition coming through in a collection of downloads. And I had been writing the core content of The Balance Theory for the last 10 years. That part’s incredible when I think about it, that I actually pulled the book itself together in the last 12 months, but the writing and the channeling and the concept development has been 10 years in the making.
And I do share this quite openly and deeply in the book, that channelling process started after the death of a very close friend. So I was 19 at the time and we got a phone call that one of my closest friends had fallen asleep behind the wheel and hit a tree. And I was fresh out of school. You know, that whole idea of world at your feet ready to explore and yeah, naively maybe, just the best was yet to come and all of that. And we got that very soul shaking phone call. Very abruptly. No time to say goodbye. And yeah, I think all artists can relate to a point in their life that something really flipped. And I think that flip did happen quite early for me. And I had a big surrendering moment to the universe and I just said, what are you doing? What are you doing? I, yeah, naively had it all together and I was ready to explore what was coming after school. And instead I had a big trip down the grief process, clinical depression, clinical anxiety, a very, very big shake-up at a very core level. And The Balance Theory was actually born from surrendering to the universe and asking for the answer.
Why, why did you rip this part of my life away or this experience? And the answer to that question came through in intuitive hits in a meditation, which I didn’t even realize I was meditating at the time. But it was just in that quiet moment when I was still, I could hear a voice saying because the universe needs balance and I didn’t really understand what that was at the time at all. But I started noticing. And I think initially, when I look back at those very early writings, it was just self comfort that I was putting a question out and writing down things that would make me feel comfortable or try to articulate the grief and I realized that I was tapping into something that was bigger than me. And over the years it shaped. So that’s the journey there. Like I think it took about five years clinically, like I was in and out of therapy for a long time, to realize that I could channel and transmute it into an art form, but it took a long time to get there. Initially it was purely just comfort writing to process grief.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that and I think as you say, many creatives.. I certainly can relate to your story of going to that deep place where something incredibly challenging, something like the loss of someone really dear, and in a sudden way, particularly can be a terrible shock to the system. I’ve experienced that too. So I really sympathize with you on that and just know that it makes you look at your life differently, completely differently. At a young age that must’ve been a real shock to the system.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah, my friend Dylan, so I do use his name in the book too, at the time he was my boyfriend, high school sweethearts. So my husband’s best friend. So the three of us had our teenage years together and even to this day, like my husband and I, he’s a huge part of our family. We can feel his presence, especially guiding this book. Yeah.
Terri Connellan: That’s amazing. And it’s incredible the way you described that, from that time, the process of writing started. So it’s a book that’s been shaped over a long period of time. And, that idea of channeled writing is really incredible too, that idea of being a conduit or being open and receptive to what comes through. Is that how you describe it?
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. I kind of feel, and I do say this in the book too, that The Balance Theory, the concept has come through me. I’m the vessel and I’m just transmuting it out into the world. So it’s for us, it’s for the collective, but it happened to come through my life event or my story. I’m kind of that middleman, I guess. That’s how I feel. Like it’s got its own energy really.
Terri Connellan: Did it feel like a calling?
Natasha Piccolo: Yes. Yeah. And there were times, I mean, like writing over 10 years, there was probably two other times before I actually got signed with the kind press that I thought, okay, the book is done, you know? It wasn’t. Like, it was never published at 0.1 and then 0.2 didn’t happen. And then it was third time lucky, but there was actually more life experience that I needed to have before I got to the point where it actually was published.
And funnily enough, it all came to fruition two weeks before my son, who’s a year old next week, was born. So I think because the whole concept is balance and life death cycles is the tying-in theme, I needed to actually experience rebirth in the form of becoming a mother. And I think that’s what really nailed the final concept that just felt unified when I then approached the publishers.
Terri Connellan: Absolutely. Yeah. And I love that idea too. Again, it’s something I’ve experienced where, sometimes you wonder if you’re procrastinating in not getting writing done. And then I know I put my draft away for quite a time and it was like it had to incubate or sit until I experienced more and put the pieces together. So I totally understand what you’re saying.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. My process and yours similarly, I think once you are really tapped in, on that intuitive level, the book actually tells you when it’s finished. You get that kind of, yeah, okay, I’ve told the story or stories I need to tell. And now it’s just about fine tuning.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. That idea of getting the message out that you want to get in some form because I just find it fascinating how it begins as an idea in our head or is channeled. And then we shape it into something that we can share with others. It’s quite miraculous in some ways, isn’t it?
Natasha Piccolo: It is. What I find funny is that, especially because clinically my work is speech pathology and a lot of that study was like, that hardcore formal language, understanding grammar and structure and how the spoken voice and the written voice can be different. And it’s so clinical. But then in channeling this piece, sometimes I would write and the voice of The Balance Theory or intuition is really quite illogical because I do liken it to that childhood voice. So sometimes the grammar’s a bit weird or the content is like, oh, we really gonna use that word. Like I’m talking to whatever that entity is. And then like now The Balance Theory is in its editorial phase now, like have that logical layer over the top where we’re actually going, okay, does this read properly? Does it flow? And that part’s coming in now, but the actual writing itself was quite intuitive.
Terri Connellan: That makes sense. Perfect sense. So can you share with us a snapshot of what The Balance Theory is about? You’ve touched on it, but can you tell us a bit more about what The Balance Theory is about?
Natasha Piccolo: Sure. So in essence, the idea of the concept is that the universe is attempting one goal and that goal is to seek balance. And if we are open to observing that at all levels of life, we can see it. So from the cell level to the cosmic level, and I love the idea of like the fact that I by nature am intuitive, but clinically I’m a scientist. I actually observed the same thing. So when we’re looking at human cell biology, the way cells behave. There’s an attempt at what we call homeostasis or the quest for balance essentially, but in a clinical term. We witness it in the way that organ systems interact with one another. We witness it in the way that we attempt to emotionally balance ourselves in terms of our mental health and the impact of that when we’re not balanced.
It’s almost like the book’s split into three sections. So that’s dealing with the self and then we look at one self to another, how they interact with one another and the idea of the energetics of human connection. And then finally the final concept is soul level connection. The final section is actually called kismet connection. So how the energetics of a soul kind of balances itself and in between all of that, I weave my personal stories to illustrate that. So that’s The Balance Theory in a nutshell and what you can expect from it.
Like I was saying, it feels like it’s a concept that needs to be shared for the collective. And I find it particularly interesting that I actually finished it during COVID. Because I think we can all agree in this modern history, if there was ever a time where we really reviewed what balance meant it was when we were all locked inside for a long period of time. And that idea of we were thrown way out of balance. It was almost like thrown out of the arena so we can observe what’s playing inside. Yeah, super interesting. And when we talk about that idea of it not being finished, I think COVID had to happen too before I finished the book.
Terri Connellan: More experiences and circumstance to integrate into that whole idea of balance by the sound of that.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. And it’s actually quite funny because before COVID was a thing, I remember logically trying to think about how am I going to articulate The Balance Theory on a collective level, so that there is something that is unifying for everybody’s life experience. And then the logical part of my brain’s saying, well, everyone’s life experience is different. How can we possibly all connect on one thing? And the pandemic happened. So I was like, well, there we go. There’s something we can all talk about. And we’ve all got a take on it. We’ve all experienced what it’s like to be in and out of balance in that time. And I know just from speaking to my circle, there was so many people that… we have that relationship with the pandemic where I was like, oh, we actually love being locked inside. It’s given me time to really evaluate my life and where I’m at.
And then the next day, you’re absolutely on that roller coaster of hating it. And then there’s fear. And then there’s gratitude. Like the whole spectrum of emotion came out to play during that time. And it was interesting channeling that as I was writing.
Terri Connellan: Yeah, it’s been the whole experience of COVID. My work is in transition, so that idea that it’s just been this huge shift and change, and that’s really thrown it back on us, on our internal resources and what toolkit we have, what understanding, what frameworks, how we’re using our personality or all the different aspects we can bring to it. So yeah, I think your book is incredibly timely to pick up on all of those themes that are happening.
So with your channeled writing process, were you surprised at what came through? Like was there, was it sort of landing more than… I guess all writing in a way has a sense of coming from a muse, doesn’t it? Do you see that?
Natasha Piccolo: Definitely. So there were times where, cause I do feel like I had that relationship with whatever the entity was that I would writing and I’d be like, oh, this is so controversial. I don’t know that I want to write this down. And again, like that’s where I speak to that idea of, put on the page and then your logical brain and the brain that understands that this is going into the world and it’s going to be open to a lot of people now, you can shape the language so that it actually comes across in an eloquent way. But there were definitely times where I was like, oh, okay. There was some little shocking moments here and there. And I was curious with it. I was just like, sure, let’s go on this journey.
Terri Connellan: And were there particular sort of rituals and practices that you did as part of your channelled writing?
Natasha Piccolo: Well, I definitely would get quiet before writing, right in the thick of the newborn phase of having a baby too. So there were times where it was easy to achieve quiet and times where it wasn’t depending on baby. But I would at least try and factor in three to five minutes of stillness before going to the computer. Having said that though, there were times where I would still old fashioned hand write. So I found that interesting. A lot of the writing that I did in 2020 in that first lockdown was handwritten. So there are sections of the balance theory that I had to then put onto the computer and it transmuted again when I typed, it came out differently.
But, I think in real time, I’m actually reflecting on this, I think because I was pregnant, I just found it so much easier to jot down in a notebook at the time and then get to the computer. But then all the writing that I had done in this period, which is like the current 2021 lockdown period was all typed. So there wasn’t really anything specific other than stillness, finding the right time of day when baby was sleeping and just having space to open up or to have that intention to open up that channel.
Terri Connellan: So it sounds like you’re a naturally intuitive person. Like it’s probably one of the strengths of your personality by the sound of it.
Natasha Piccolo: So I’m a Pisces moon too, so I think I’m tapped into the collective just by nature of my soul level.
Terri Connellan: Who you are. Yeah. Beautiful. So you’ve also recently had your story When Saturn Hadn’t Returned published as part of the brilliant kind press collection, This I Know is True, which is sitting beside me here. Beautiful book with lots of incredible writing by women and curated by Natasha Gilmour and Sian Yewdall. Could you tell us a little about that story that you wrote and contributed to that collection?
Natasha Piccolo: Sure. So When Saturn Hadn’t Returned, I always preface this by saying I’m not an astrologer, but the idea of a Saturn Return is that every 30 years or so you get a big life lesson governed by Saturn, which is the planet of the life lessons and the responsibility. And the story of When Saturn Hadn’t Returned, again came through in a meditation as that being the title. So that actual title dropped in before I even actually thought about what that meant.
And I thought, okay, so I’ve got the title. What does that mean? And then I just had in my physical hand-written diary a bit of a brainstorm around what that statement means for me. And I realised what I was doing was telling the story of all the lessons I had learned before my Saturn Return at 27 years old. So that was the nature of that.
And essentially the biggest life lesson there was around the importance of healing the inner child,. Because, again, I don’t think it wasn’t until I was pregnant, that I had that full circle journey of realising that there was still a part of my childhood self that wasn’t being seen or heard, not in terms of anybody else, but myself.
And yeah, I guess 2020 was a big year of me going quite inward and I had the space with the lockdown to do that before giving birth to free that little girl. And it was I guess ironic that the contract for the kind press came through the same year. So it really was a healing process. And I pitched that idea to Natasha the publisher at the kind press, and she loved the idea of When Saturn Hadn’t Returned as a concept. And so I got to work. Bubs was eight weeks old when I wrote that. So I was still very fresh into motherhood.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. Motherhood certainly takes you into very creative space. That whole idea of creating a human being naturally takes you into a very fertile space. So it was amazing you could tap into that, but also having read the story, I loved the way you went full circle with your inner child and the birth of your son as well. It was beautifully told.
Natasha Piccolo: Thank you. It was so cathartic to write and I think it actually shaped my first year of motherhood because I wrote that quite early on in becoming a mum. It’s nearly been 10 months that that was written now, which is crazy to say, but whenever motherhood was challenging this year I would actually just reflect on that and say, okay, what part of my childhood, like what part of the wound is coming up? Because he’s obviously triggering something in me. It’s got nothing to do with him. He’s just this little soul navigating his first year. And, it was actually a really beautiful touch point in my first year of motherhood. So I’m very grateful to that writing process.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. It’s amazing how creativity can create something that we need that can help us on our journey. I’ve found that with writing my own book and a bit like yours, it was a blend of personal experience and things that were coming to me. I didn’t quite feel it was channelled, but there was certainly a lot of intuition in the writing process. And I think sometimes we write what we need for ourselves as much as to share with others.
Natasha Piccolo: Absolutely. Did you find that you were writing more of the memoir first or were you writing the concepts first in your own process?
Terri Connellan: I found that I had a pretty clear structure of what the book looked like, which was quite intuitive. I think I shared the mind map in the launch session. I had quite a sense of where it was going. Then I started with the memoir, I think to frame up the story, but I think it was as much to work out my own learning as it was to share it with others. Guess it’s a reflective process to tap deep into that experience to be able to write about it. It’s probably how I’d describe it.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. Very cathartic.
Terri Connellan: It is very cathartic. So you’ve mentioned a little as we’ve spoken today and I know you’ve spoken in your writing about your personal mental health journey, about the challenges and what it’s taught you. So what would you like to share about that for people who are listening today?
Natasha Piccolo: Well, firstly, I’m very grateful for my mental illness now. I share in my book that my psychologist, 10 years ago almost, said those words: one day, you will tell me you are grateful for your mental illness. And at the time I was very unwell. And I said to her, like, you have no idea. And she’s like, well, no, I don’t because I’m not you. But one day, trust me, there’ll be a reason, a rhyme and reason. And you’ll be able to express that you found light. And I thought, here we go at the time. Definitely it was not open to seeing the light at that point in my life.
But I guess my biggest thing that I’d want to share with people that are experiencing something that feels quite dark and scary is that it’s an opportunity to be kind to yourself and to see that the shadow side is just as important as your light and to not fear it. And not to take away from the experience because the lived experiences is terrifying at times, but I think when it is terrifying, it’s actually showing you that something’s not balanced in life.
So for me, it was like a compass pointing me back to what I already knew, intuitively that there is light in the world. And to experience that you need that dichotomy and that spectrum. So you need the shadow to see the light. You need the light to understand that there’s shadow. And there is light at the end of that tunnel. It’s a journey. It’s the dark night of the soul. You need to go through it. It’s part and parcel of being human. I’m saying that with a lot of hindsight, though. So it’s a chance to be kind and to forgive self.
Terri Connellan: Thank you for sharing about your experiences. And again, it’s something else that’s popped up in conversations on this podcast. And, it’s just that reminder that sometimes going to the shadow side, the darker side…they’re difficult, horrible, uncomfortable experiences. But if we can, particularly when we’ve been through them, take the opportunity to step back and look at the wisdom, the light that was shed from that time. It can be really powerful for us. So, yeah. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And it sounds like it’s something you talk about more in your book too.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. The Balance Theory gives that a nice big chapter. When I was studying as well, I would have been halfway through therapy at the time, I could feel that I needed to give back with the experience of mental illness. And I did a thesis on understanding anxiety and depression in youth. And I reference that in The Balance Theory, the actual study itself. But it’s such a common thing and yet it’s so lonely. And if I can be just one other voice out there that is willing to talk about it on a public level, I think we are inspiring, healthy, functional conversation around it.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. Thank you for being a voice for that while we’re chatting today. I really appreciate that.
Natasha Piccolo: Thank you.
Terri Connellan: So, as well as being an author, you’re also a speech pathologist and a life coach, as well as being a mumma of a little one as you’ve shared. And you also run a gelato business with your husband too.
Natasha Piccolo: A bit of fun.
Terri Connellan: So you’ve got lots of different streams and passions in your life. So just wondering how the streams and passions come together and play together, and you’ve talked about play, the inner child and play. And I’m wondering too, if there’s a thread that unites your body of work, because often there’s ingredients cluster together that connect things for us and sometimes there’s not.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. Well, I mean, it’s kind of like what joins speech therapy and ice cream together. That’s one. But there is a common thread there. It’s connection. So I actually want to share this story. It’s a beautiful story that highlights why I do what I do, I guess. So the backstory of this is my husband’s side of the family come from a long line of ice cream makers, gelato makers in Italian, and my husband is now taking that baton and makes amazing gelato. And we decided that well, it was his dream to have the gelato cart that we do events with.
And we were doing our very first wedding. And I’ve just finished a full clinical day. And a lot of my work is in autism spectrum disorder. So I’d just seen a whole bunch of patients that day and went straight to the wedding to help my husband serve. And at the wedding I heard a little boy really, really upset, and he had run out of the wedding because he was overwhelmed from the light and the sound.
And I then learned he had autism. But he ran behind the gelato truck and was hiding in the bushes really scared, really upset, overwhelmed, sensory overload. And I could sense straight away. I knew what it was, like just clinically, I could see it. And I went around the bush and I pulled him out and I said, ‘Hey mate, do you want an ice cream?’
And the only word he could say at the time was chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. And I said, sure. We went to the back of the truck, made him a chocolate gelato. And his mother came around and apologized and she was saying, I’m really, really sorry. You know, he has autism, I don’t mean to upset your service.
And I said, whoa, I know. And it’s okay. He can stay with me the whole night. And I then went on to see that little boy clinically. But the one thing she said to me was we were coming to see you because it’s the first time I’ve seen him voluntarily want to connect. And I saw that. I saw that in the way he just took to you. Maybe he sensed that you were there to help him or to give him that experience of having a chocolate gelato.
And it’s just a beautiful story that I always come back to when I am sometimes wearing a lot of hats. And when you come back to yourself and you say, why am I doing this? Or what am I doing this for? And it’s that, it’s the love of connection. And if I can make a difference, start conversations, then I’m doing my job.
Terri Connellan: Fantastic. Yeah. I love that idea. And connection’s one of my top five values too. So, which is interesting, that it’s a thread for you as well. And I find with connecting it often can be about connecting ideas too. Do you find that? Like it’s about connecting people obviously, and that beautiful story that you told, but it can also be from what you’ve said from the writing you’ve done so far, it’s about, how does this idea connect with this idea and then how do they come together to create The Balance Theory in the first place?
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah, I think connection would be my top value because it does it weaves through everything. Why am I writing a book? To connect people or to connect thoughts, to connect ideas, to start a conversation. Why am I a speech therapist? Very same reason. Why do I hand people gelato? Because they smile and the non-verbal connection is fantastic. And then obviously being a mama, it’s I think the height of human connection, parenting.
Terri Connellan: Fantastic. So, this is a big question. There are two questions that I’m asking everyone on the podcast. So the first one big question, but interesting intuitively to see what comes up.How have you created your story over your lifetime?
Natasha Piccolo: This is my favorite question. Yes. I am an observer of my life, I think. So that’s the intuition saying that. If we go back to inner child stuff, I think from the moment I could pick up a pen, I remember saying to my parents that I was going to be an author. I’m going to have books, people going to read them. My first work at five years old was about an elephant, but, something about, remembering it now, but all airports in the world had shut. Maybe I was channeling COVID. Elephants needed to be the way that we got around. No idea, but I think I have always observed some kind of creativity in telling stories and I have always loved to put them on paper. So first I observed my life or the things that are going through my head. And then I write, and that practice of journaling and retelling has just been paramount to how I’ve created my life story.
And I think then, shaping that and articulating it as I got older, it became about wanting to start and initiate important conversation. So then I kept retelling my stories through telling my own story and sparking chat. My favourite thing to do.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. You mentioned in your bio that you’re always up for a good chat. So that idea of having a conversation. So what I’m hearing there is that you create your story almost by telling the story or by storytelling.
Natasha Piccolo: Yes. Yeah. And then I think I’m also a fan of collecting stories. I’ve always loved reading, like on that level, but I just love to hear somebody else’s story and to find the lesson in listening to someone taking that story and if it’s going to help, passing it on. Yeah. What would you answer to that, Terri?
Terri Connellan: Oh, that’s a big one. For me, how have I created my story over my last? One of my top things is reflecting. My background is as an adult educator and one of the key theorists that I really liked in that area was Donald Schon. And his work was about being a reflective practitioner and I love that idea. So I think for me, it’s been very much about experiencing and reflecting. I think again, it’s a very introverted and intuiting process, which is my strength, but very much that idea of taking things in and then sorting them out internally and then getting a structure to them and sharing them with the world. So, yeah. So similar to yours in some ways.
Natasha Piccolo: I think putting that practical way of then giving a message, like reflecting, transmuting and then telling.
Terri Connellan: Yeah. And then, but I do think structure and being practical to me, and it sounds like for you, two are very important because, again, I think it’s like two parts of my personality and it sounds like potentially with yours, it’s that, here’s the intuitive, but then how do I structure that into something that others can read and get value from?
Natasha Piccolo: How does it make sense? I think because especially intuitive thinking can be so ambiguous and huge. And I know that that’s been a wonderful challenge with The Balance Theory. How do I actually get this into a form that somebody could pick up similarly with like your Companion Workbook and actually do something with it, apply it to life.
Terri Connellan: Yep. It’s a big challenge as a writer. So the next question is, again, something I’m asking people, because, I’ve written my book with wholehearted self-leadership tips based on my experience, but I see it as a toolkit we can all add to. I’ve shared 15 things that work for me that I think will work for many people. What would be your top wholehearted self-leadership tips and practice, especially for women.
Natasha Piccolo: Thank you for asking that question, because I think these are the questions that people can take something away and apply tomorrow, or even in the next hour. I’m actually working through your Companion Workbook at the moment. So I’ve just read the part about your self care practices essentially, and how they shape, can set up your day really.
But I would say, I think maybe because speech pathology is such big part of me as well, having an honest conversation. And I mean that first with self every day, every morning, just that check-in of like, where am I at? What’s going on today? What’s my intention? How can I shape this day to work in my favor so that I show up as the best version of self? That’s probably my little go-to before I do anything else before I get out of bed with breath work.
And then I have a little fun thing I do on a Sunday night. Fun for me because clearly I like practical things. But I look at the calendar and I commit to one self-care practice a day from the Sunday to the next Sunday. So I just looked at the calendar, what’s going on this week and I’ve got my self-care menu of things I like to do. And then I just plot them in. So it’s like a meeting that I promise myself I’ll show up for.
And it can be as small as putting on a face mask while Alfie has a nap, my son to making sure I make a date to go and have a coffee with a friend I haven’t seen. It’s like a self care Sunday hack that I do. It started in lockdown and it’s really, really helpful. And it’s fun. It’s a challenge too. It’s like, well, I’ve had a few coffee dates, maybe I need to go and have a massage, or I need to look at booking a yoga retreat, or I need to just sit in the sun with a cup of tea this week. And, but it’s just been really practical about it and committing to it.
Terri Connellan: I love that. I think I might copy that idea, add that to my toolkit. And I love the idea of having a menu so you’ve thought ahead about what the things might be. And it’s a bit like a plug and play, you know, what does the day feel like, mixing it up with something different.
Natasha Piccolo: Yeah. And making it work for your week. Like there are weeks where like, work is really busy and sometimes it’s just committing to three minutes of meditation or having a big glass of water before you get out of bed. So it’s like, I just need to be really hydrated today to function. That’s my thing. I love a good tick a box, so I just feel like I’ve done. I’ve done me and now the oxygen mask can be on everyone else after that.
Terri Connellan: Awesome. Yeah. I love that. Thanks for sharing those two practical tips we can take away with us. I love them both so thank you.
Natasha Piccolo: Pleasure.
Terri Connellan: Thanks so much for sharing about you or about your life, about your writing, about your books. And we look forward to The Balance Theory coming out in March, 2022. So, that’ll be something for people to look forward to. So where can people find out more about you and your work online?
Natasha Piccolo: Thanks, Terri. I just want to thank you as well, because I think you are an incredible voice and you have a lot to give, and this podcast is going to reach so many people. So I’m just going to extend my gratitude to you. Thank you for having me. And the best way to connect with me is over on Instagram. I love a good DM chat. So @tashspeaks one big word as a handle, and my business is Resonate Holistic for speech pathology and coaching. So yeah, that’s the two, well, I hang out there quite a lot now, especially with the writing process. So come and find me come and say hi.
Terri Connellan: Yeah, I love your Instagram. It’s fantastic. And you’ve got some lovely snapshots about the book too, and foreshadowing about the content, which is exciting. Congratulations. And we’ll pop those links in the show notes too, so people can connect with you. Warmest wishes, thanks so much for being with us today and we’ll look forward to The Balance Theory.
Natasha Piccolo: Thanks for having me.
Natasha Piccolo
About Natasha Piccolo
Natasha Piccolo is a mama, small business owner and author. She is always up for a good chat as her main work roles include clinical Speech Pathology and coaching. Her business, Resonate Holistic assists clients to facilitate healthy communication across the life span. Her first book, ‘The Balance Theory’ is out in March with the kind press. She has recently contributed to ‘This I Know Is True’ – a collection of stories to inspire community progress alongside 18 other women in the health and wellness space. Natasha hopes that her words motivate others to live a life that is consciously aligned.
This guest post from Valerie Lewis shows how learning to listen to the silent whispers of our mind can help us shift from feeling fragmented to more wholehearted living.
This is the 23rd guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here–the invitation is open.
Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.
I’m honoured to have Valerie Lewis as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Valerie and I met when she joined me as a coaching client in the Sacred Creative Collective. In this story, Valerie shares how tragic life circumstances affected her so deeply. And how she moved through grief and feeling fragmented to connecting the pieces of herself through listening within. Thank you for sharing your story, Valerie.
The Silent Whispers of my Mind – Journeying from fragmented to wholehearted
My only child was killed at the age of seven. Amongst the shock and disbelief of what had happened and feeling as if I had been thrust into some horrific, unimaginable nightmare, as the days and months passed by, my mind felt so jumbled and filled with chatter. One minute my mind would tell me I couldn’t cope or I didn’t know how to think or couldn’t think straight. Sometimes at night when all was silent around me, my mind would tell me it was all a very bad dream and tomorrow I would wake up and my life would be as it was before and back to normal.
There was one time, though, when a voice, which seemed different and to come from a deeper place within my head and upper body emitting a warmth and calmness which I temporarily felt (as it spoke), assured me I would get through this. Afterwards, I was to wonder if I had actually had this thought or not because I couldn’t determine whether the voice that had spoken was in my head or outside of it.
Life can be scary
We all get scared and want to turn away, but it isn’t always strength that makes you stay. Strength is also making the decision to change your destiny.
~ Zoraida Córdova
During this painfully surreal time, I had a lot of decisions to make, some minor and many major, and there were practical tasks to be attended to. Some of my biggest decisions revolved around the fact that I was no longer who I used to be. Indeed, who was I now? I can look back and realise that the voice within my head, you know, the one I said felt as if it came from a deeper place within me, the whispering voice that was calm, matter-of-factly and assuring, really came to the fore (not sure why—maybe I was just more sensitive and receptive), and guided me in some of my decision-making (such as the decision to file for divorce and also officially change back to my maiden surname).
Of course, sometimes it was a battle, as the internal monologue was overwhelming. It was as if diverse thoughts vied for attention. Thoughts of the past, thoughts about the present, thoughts about the future that could have, should have been and thoughts about a future that I couldn’t really define, visualise or even fantasise about. Fear and an overwhelming sadness were predominant emotions during that time. But there was also a strong will to make it through that existed within me as I embarked on my journey to discover who I now was and the eventual decision to move away and create a new life for myself in another city. I was not to know then that my ‘journey’ was a journey of self-leadership and would involve so much discovering and learning.
A fragmented life
There were times when I felt too scared to look ahead to the future. The future I had envisaged and had been working towards was now a shattered dream. Many of the tangibles in my life were no longer there in the form I had previously known them – my husband (was committed to a secure hospital for the manslaughter under diminished responsibility of our daughter, and diagnosed as schizophrenic), my daughter, our home, our car, even our cat Smokey – our relationship was now different as he was ‘adopted’ by an aunt and uncle and was no longer ‘my cat’ as such. Even the non-tangibles – routine and familiarity were now changed.
I no longer felt whole. I and my life were fragmented, with many of the pieces, like a jigsaw, now no longer there. Would I ever wake up one day and my heart not hurt so much? And would I someday feel happy again, and how was it even possible for a human being to shed so many tears? Would I ever become a whole person again and when would it happen – next month, next year, in five, ten years or never? How would I know, how would I feel then?
Feeling my feelings
When I said I didn’t know how to move forward, not necessarily in a practical sense, but in the way I felt and dealt with my feelings, someone suggested to just take each day as it came. It made sense to me. Instinct told me that to survive, I had to go through what I had to go through. I had to feel the feelings I felt. There was no other way if I wanted to remain sane. I would get through this. The calm, matter-of-factly voice had whispered that one time to me. No matter what the other voices said, I needed to hold on to these particular words and the lesson I was learning, that it is best to not ignore feelings (emotional states).
Somehow, we have to find ways to go through them. Sure, we can try to circumvent them, but feelings are pretty tenacious and can be quite slippery. They can sneak back into our minds and bodies and cause us to remain stuck with hurt and grief or to become ill.
One book, gifted to me by a dear friend in 1988, ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, by the now deceased Susan Jeffers was perhaps the first ‘self-help’ book I devoured as I sought guidance on how to deal with my inner fears and confront and cope with life’s challenges.
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them—that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.
~ Lao Tzu
The silent whispers of my mind—my inner wise Sage
It was some years later that I really grasped and understood that my silent whisperer, the one that stood out (and still does) as differing from the other whisperers, was my intuition. This developed during the late ’90’s and early noughties. I became familiar with energy healing (namely Reiki); explored astrology, colour therapy, crystals, tarot and oracle cards; embraced creativity and journaling; and read many more self-help/personal development books. I also gained a better understanding of my personality as an introvert and thus my natural inclination to go within to seek answers and understand the world and my existence within it. Personal development classes with someone I now look back on as a mentor type figure, and also some spiritual development classes also helped to integrate this realisation.
My calm, silent whisperer does not repeat their initial message – they say it once. Sometimes they don’t even speak. I just have a deep sense of ‘knowing’, or some might say, ‘a calling’, a feeling which seems to fill my upper body. This is unlike the everyday mind chatter or internal monologue that goes on in our head. That calm whispered message or deep sense of ‘knowing’ can occur ages before I’m in a position to act on it. This is to the point that as time goes by, I start to question if it really happened because the other voices have started to interfere and jostle to make their point of view known and dissuade me, or life gets in the way.
Trusting the silent whisperer
I trusted the silent whisperer’s message without question a couple of years or so after when I met the person who is my partner now and moved in with him, after being hesitant about sharing a home with someone. Another example is from 2014, when I felt called to track down and contact the woman whose personal development classes I’d attended over 10 years previously. I was pleased that although now retired and not actively marketing her services, she was happy to work on a one-to-one basis with me providing directional support and using guided meditation to reconnect with my inner self.
Follow the tugs that come from the heart. I think that everyone gets these gentle urges and should listen to them. Even if they sound totally insane, they may be worth going with.
~ Victoria Moran
I’ve trusted the messages of the silent whisperer when it has seemed to make sense, but sometimes the scenario that plays out makes little sense. Life has presented me with more challenges and no clear route on that path. I’ve had to learn (AND am still learning) to trust that in time (maybe even many years later), the road would become clear, things fall into place and the initial messages would make sense.
Who am I?
I can’t remember why or how I came to purchase my first deck (Rider Waite). Or the book that I also purchased the year before my 40th birthday and spent many hours studying (Principles of Tarot by Evelyne and Terry Donaldson) still on my quest to discover more about myself and journey towards becoming whole and less fragmented. Evelyne and Terry say that “it is not so much what is ‘in the cards’, as what we ourselves are able to see in them”. Also that ‘the Tarot is really a set of windows through which we can look at life from a different perspective.’ Two of my favourite cards are the High Priestess and Empress – archetypes which I feel represent my inner and outer self.
High Priestess
The High Priestess is the Goddess within. She is the feminine principle, the Yin, the receptive side. She represents the intuition. She shows us the path to realisation is reached by overcoming our own self-doubts, and by listening more trustingly to our own feelings and intuitions.
Empress
The Empress teaches us how to love. It is love that makes our lives unfold and grow. As opposed to the High Priestess, the Empress represents the physical (tangible) world. The Empress is there to show us how we can learn about emotions and feelings through self-expression.
Extracted from the ‘Principles of Tarot’ book
Floating – by Valerie Lewis
Self-expression and intuition
I feel more whole but keep on growing and becoming even more whole. For a good while, intuitive abstract painting has intrigued me and, a couple of years ago I decided to give it a go. The painting above ‘Floating’ reflects the words of the below quote and combines, for me, the two tarot archetypes:
In this life, your so called ordinary life, you must be rooted; and in your inner space, in the spiritual life, you must be weightless and flying, flowing and floating.
~ Rajneesh
Below is ‘Pink Haze’. She serves as a reminder that our life issues are rarely a monochrome black or white. What is in between those two colours, especially in times of transition, if we learn to listen to our intuition, can inspire and guide us onto a path that is true to who we are being/becoming and to living a life that is wholehearted and authentic.
Pink Haze by Valerie Lewis
My experience has shown me it is not always a straightforward path. There may be a circling back, dips, curves, stumbling blocks and so forth as we journey along this path we call life. The truth is, we are all born with intuitive abilities. We use intuition (hear those silent whispers or feel it within our bodies) every day of our lives, some more than others, but often we might be unaware of having done so.
Through perhaps fear, listening to the many voices (inner critic or ego), we ‘rationalise’ or dismiss what we have intuited. It often becomes easier to turn to others for help and guidance. But ultimately—the answers we seek are within us—and we already know what we need to do (even if we think we don’t)—to live life with a mind and soul more wholehearted and less fragmented.
Key book companions along the way
Just a few of the many books that have made an impact on me and my journey:
Feel the Fear (And Do It Anyway)—Susan Jeffers (1987)
The Successful Self (Freeing Our Hidden Inner Strengths)—Dorothy Rowe (1988)
Principles of Tarot—Evelyne and Terry Donaldson (1996)
The Magic Path of Intuition—Florence Scovel Shinn (2013)
The Artists Way—Julia Cameron (1992)
Tune In (Let Your Intuition Guide You to Fulfilment And Flow)—Sonia Choquette (2013) extract free with Spirit and Destiny Magazine
Healing Grief (Reclaiming Life After Any Loss)—James Van Praagh (2000)
Love is in The Earth (A Kaleidoscope of Crystals)—Melody (1995)
I am Diva (Every Woman’s Guide to Outrageous Living)—Elena Bates, Maureen O’Crean, Molly Thompson, Carilyn Vaile (1999)
Inspiration Sandwich (Stories to Inspire our Creative Freedom)—Sark (1992)
About Valerie Lewis
Valerie Lewis is a multipassionate 60plus pro ager. Through grief coaching and personal growth facilitation, she supports and empowers those who are lost and confused with the direction they want to take following a significant life event that has impacted them and their sense of self. Her interests include being an intuitive reader, Reiki and crystals practitioner and avid creative dabbler.
Quiet Writing is on Facebook,Instagram and Twitter so keep in touch and interact with like-minded and kindred souls in the Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!
Welcome to a Wholehearted Book Walkthrough. Here I step you through the chapters and journey of reading my book Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition. I also welcome questions via the comments. You can also watch the video on Youtube with subtitles if that is your preference or it’s easier for you. It’s also at the bottom of this post.
When you pre-order Wholehearted, you can get a copy of Chapter 1 so you can begin reading now. This includes the Contents pages and Foreword, an original and a glimpse of the tarot cards that feature in Wholehearted. That way you can get an overview of the reading journey of Wholehearted and what it offers you. After you’ve purchased the book or books, go to the Wholehearted book page. Pop your details in on that page and it will be with you in no time.
Or I’ve popped the forms at the bottom of this post to make it easier for you if you’ve already purchased!
Wholehearted Book walkthrough: the high level
You come into Wholehearted with an introduction into the story of transition via a poem, two key tarot cards, the Foreword and the contents pages. From this, you gain an insight into what is coming and get an overview of the Wholehearted reading journey.
The books is in three parts:
Part 1 My Wholehearted Journey – covers Sections 1 to 5 where I share my experiences of making the shift from long-term government employee to a more wholehearted, self-sustaining, creative life. The essence of this transition was about getting back to what is important in the day to day. I explore the positives and challenges of this experience, what helped me and what I learnt over time. Through-out this section and the book I provide practical tips to help you with making positive transitions.
Part 2 Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills – Sections 6 to 8 is where I bring together the Wholehearted Self-leadership skills I’ve learnt on the journey and share them with you to help your own transition and transformation to what is important to you.
Part 3 Bringing it all together – Sections 9 to 10 is where I take a more high-level view of how living a more wholehearted life comes together. I share what I’ve experienced, the markers, what arrives in the wake of transition and the choices we have. This section conveys what self-leadership looks like when you bring the skills together.
Wholehearted Book walkthrough: I My Wholehearted Journey
To step you through in more detail, here’s an overview of what is in Part I My Wholehearted Journey:
Section 1 Beginning the Journey takes you into the heart of my transition journey. I share the key turning point and how this was coming for a long time as big changes often do. There is a tough moment when I knew this transition was really on. I explore how I rebuilt my life step by step via Quiet Writing, blogging, finding a voice and new purpose and the beginning of an alternative path. We look at transition and turning points and how self-leadership became so important in my life and what it offers you.
Section 2 is about Imagining Another Way. I chart the course of the transition in practical terms and the stepping stones and lighthouses that helped in initial stages. This includes looking at the role of hard inner work, showing up for ourselves and how self-talk affects us as we make our journey.
Section 3 Identifying your Passions and What you Love explains how tapping into your passions and uniqueness is a valuable guide to a new life. This is especially important as we re-orient ourselves to living differently.
Section 4 is Identifying your Natural Gifts, Style and Desires. Here we look at your personality preferences and how embracing your natural strengths and gifts is a powerful guide for transition. We look at defining your style and personality in different ways and how tapping into what you desire to feel offers a compass.
Section 5 rounds off Part 1 and focuses on Identifying your Body of Work and Resources Over Time. When making a significant transition, we can often leave pieces of ourselves behind. So it’s vital to look at your body of work and the resources you’ve built up to move forward in ways that are meaningful to you.
Wholehearted Book walkthrough: II Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills
Section 6 is the largest section of the book and the heart of it. Here I walk you through 15 Wholehearted Self-leadership skills that have been pivotal in my transition. I share these skills to support your own change-making and transformation journey. These practices, mindsets and skills are the foundation and backbone of my transition day in, day out.
They include:
6.1 Setting powerful heartfelt intentions
6.2 Writing as daily practice
6.10 Tuning into intuition and listening within
I explain how these practices helped me and why and how I honed them and continue to hone them over time.
Section 7 is about Valuing and Building Influences and Connections. I explore the value of influences and honouring what brought you to this point via five of my creative mentors. These mentors have been an immense influence, particularly in the early stages of my transformation in tough times. I unpack what I learnt from each of them as role models. And I talk about the importance of community and support as we make change. Often this is something we need to do in new ways including online.
Section 8 is Working with the Shadow Side in Becoming Whole. Here we traverse some of the darker, shadowy sides of life and our personality. We look at the less preferred areas of our personality, our weaknesses, our inferior function, grief, unrequited love, envy and comparisonitis. Just as we need light and shade in our gardens, and have the lighter and darker cycles of the moon, we need to embrace ourselves fully. It’s helpful to look at the shadow aspects of our life and personality as a force for good. We learn from them. Making these shadow aspects more conscious is some of the most powerfully transformative whole-making work we can do.
Wholehearted Book walkthrough: III Bringing it all together
Part III is where we bring it all together.
Chapter 9 looks at Guides for the Wholehearted Path and two key aspects: synchronicity and grounding in the practical and every day.
Chapter 10 is the final chapter and looks at Self-leadership and Love as the heart of Wholeheartedness. It looks particularly at the role of choice and love in our wholehearted self-leadership journey.
There is a wealth of information and resources in the end matter too, with extensive endnotes and key references for further reading and exploration.
Wholehearted Companion Workbook
The Wholehearted Companion Workbook tracks along each of the chapters of the book, providing further application and examples. It provides the opportunity to apply the learning to your own circumstances in a supported self-coaching way. I also share more about my own experiences as an example to help prompt your own thinking.
I hope this walk through of Wholehearted helps you to see the rich reading and transformation experience that awaits.
Head over to the advance praise for Wholehearted from early readers as another insight to the reading experience the book offers.
Once you’ve pre-ordered, don’t forget to come back and add your details to get Chapter 1. You can also join me for a live Masterclass on the 15 Wholehearted Self-leadership skills if you pre-order two or more books. You can do this below.
I hope that’s helpful! Thanks for reading and/or watching and listening. Welcome any further questions or comments!
Thank you for joining me on this Wholehearted journey. I hope the books can support you on your self-leadership transition journey to a more wholehearted and fulfilling life. Whatever that means for you!
Wholehearted Book Walkthrough on video with subtitles
Here’s the video with subtitles if you want to watch:
Here is the form to complete to get Chapter 1 if you’ve already purchased one book:
Here is the form to complete to get Chapter 1 now + an invitation to a live Masterclass on ’15 Wholehearted Self-leadership Skills to Change your Life’ if you’ve purchased 2 or more books:
This article explores what it’s like for those who rely on Extraverted Intuition as a preferred cognitive process and what we can learn from this.
In a previous post, I wrote about Introverted Intuition as my preferred cognitive function as an INTJ personality type. Given my orientation, it’s no surprise I tend to see intuition as an internally driven and applied function. So I’ve been interested to find out more about what it’s like for those who rely more on Extraverted Intuition (abbreviated as Ne) as a dominant way of operating. I share my learning and insights on intuition as an extraverted perceiving process to guide your own journey whatever your personality type.
Extraverted Intuition and your type
If you identify as an ENTP or ENFP personality type, Extraverted Intuition is typically your dominant function; if you identify as an INTP or INFP, it’s your auxiliary function; for ESFJ and ESTJ types, it’s the tertiary function and for ISTJ and ISFJ types, it’s the inferior function. And it plays out in some way for all types. If you don’t know your type, it’s not a huge issue; if the words ‘Extraverted Intuition’ speak to you, chances are they are natural preferences for you or areas on your radar for development.
For example, you might be someone who perceives via a preference for Introverted Intuition, but is keen to mix this up with more external influences. There is much to be gained from learning about our less preferred cognitive processes so we can be well-rounded and operate in different ways.
Extraversion and Intuition
With an increased focus on introversion in recent times as a counterbalance to what Susan Cain calls ‘The Extrovert Ideal’, it’s possible that intuition has also become more synonymous with internal processes. But intuition can be driven just as much by external data as internal data.
Extraverted Intuition as a function specialises in drawing information across a range of contexts. It might be people, conversations, ideas, facts, history, perceptions or theories. Everything in the external environment is grist for the mill for this mode of intuitive processing.
In a recent conversation with a friend whose dominant function is Extraverted Intuition, he commented, “I love brainstorming”. As an INTJ, whose dominant function is Introverted Intuition, I responded, ‘I do too, but only by myself.’ It was quite a funny exchange and we both laughed. This highlights how we are both intuitive souls but that our main modus operandi is different. The Extraverted Intuitive focus is more expansive about possibilities and patterns in the external world and welcomes diverse inputs. An Introverted Intuitive’s focus is much more intensive, interested in deep, internal and symbolic connections, often generated when in solitude.
What Carl Jung says
It’s important to return to Dr. Carl Jung for insights as the source, given he conceptualised the eight functions based on his work with patients. In his 1921 book, Psychological Types, Jung explains the main characteristics of the Extraverted Intuitive function as:
…always present where possibilities exist. He has a keen nose for things in the bud pregnant with future promise. He can never exist in stable, long-established conditions of generally acknowledged though limited value: because his eye is constantly ranging for new possibilities, stable conditions have an air of impending suffocation.
The Extraverted Intuitive does not like stability and tires of objects or ideas when they become more clearly pinned down. It’s almost as if ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ and once this happens, a search is on for something new with potential not as yet defined.
But Jung explains of the Extraverted Intuitive: ‘As long as a possibility exists, the intuitive is bound to it with thongs of fate.’
So what is Extraverted Intuition?
So how does this play out in the real world? Extraverted Intuition works primarily by scanning the external landscape for input. There is a focus on gathering possibilities and applying them to find solutions to impact the external world. There’s also an emphasis on patterns and linkages in a constant search to make things better.
The similarity with Introverted Intuition is an ability to see connections and associations but the filter is different. For the Introverted type, they work intensively through their rich inner world. For the Extraverted type, the input device and filter is people, multi-tasking, and the external world. Both types might not always know how they got from A to B as they both rely on an intuitive, wide, scope of patterned input over time. They only know the end result of the sequence.
The Extraverted Intuitive function has been described as ‘Exploring Possibilities’, by Mary McGuiness in You’ve Got Personality and as ‘The Brainstormer’, in Gary Hartzler and Margaret Hartzler’s Functions of Type: Activities to Develop the Eight Jungian Functions.
The neuroscience of Extraverted Intuition
Dario Nardi has applied neuroscience to see how the neocortex of the brain works for different personality type preferences. In his book, Neuroscience of Personality, he describes Extraverted Intuiting as a tendency to ‘perceive and play with patterns of relationships across contexts’. People with this dominant function often show a ‘Christmas tree’ pattern as the neocortex is active all over. Each region does its own work with the brain responding to stimuli across multiple regions, even ones that seem unrelated.
The excitement for this type comes from forming opportunities across multiple areas in ‘trans-contextual thinking’. Nardi explains that Extraverted Intuiting types ‘often experience creative highs. The Christmas tree pattern is a creative engine.’ Given all this energy and responsiveness, this type can also experience ‘creative hangovers’. It’s like a huge ideas party with so many shiny, bouncing parts which can take its toll. But all those lights represent rich inputs to the imagination. Extraverted Intuiting has the potential to ignite some truly revolutionary and entrepreneurial thoughts through this cognitive process.
Ways Extraverted Intuition manifests
Here are some practical ways Extraverted Intuition can manifest:
A love of brainstorming
The act of generating possibilities is a lifeblood for personalities where the Extraverted Intuitive dominates. Ideally, the input is via a broad range of angles such as a group of people to maximise the environmental scan. Mind-mapping is also a valuable tool, enabling the visual capture of patterns and relationships.
Brainstorming enables new solutions and options through the ability to see interrelationships. A search for gaps and ways to address them are tools the Extraverted Intuitive will use as part of the process or outcome of brainstorming. Seeking positive change is a focus.
Comfortable with change
The types which feature Extraverted Intuition as a dominant function, ENTP and ENFP, are very comfortable with change. They make excellent entrepreneurs, facilitators and change managers as they thrive on multiple options in an environment of possibility. People who prefer Extraverted Intuition excel at working with scenarios of what ‘could be’ and envisioning the most positive state and how to get there. They are change agents, able to motivate and mentor others to see change as a positive. Their ability to tolerate ambiguity and focus on options means they can be very good at facilitating teams to resolve issues.
Motivated by learning across diverse areas
People with a preference for Extraverted Intuiting love to have a constant flow of fresh ideas, motivated by what the external world influences in the imagination. Avid lifelong learners, they seek the new and integrate it, reworking concepts in useful ways. Learning across diverse areas, depending on their auxiliary and other functions, they love to explore connections. They value learning that is intellectually challenging and interactive to maximise the external input.
The challenges and balancing of Extraverted Intuition
Just as with all the functions, there are challenges in being extraverted and intuitive. You can easily become bored if there is not enough new information coming through. You might jump from one new idea to another to keep the novelty factor high and increase the enthusiasm. Starting things off is easy; being a finisher and completer is less satisfying.
A fascinating comment by Dario Nardi in Neuroscience of Personality is that:
Ne types can find zen, but only after practicing and internalising an activity over weeks, months, or years….The irony is that Ne types, who have some the shortest attention spans, require laborious practice in order to find inner peace.
So this balance is likely to take some learning and practice in persistence, especially in being aware of what to do when the newness of an activity wears off.
To balance the extremes, it’s useful to bring in some of the opposite functions, especially Introverted Sensing (Si), Extraverted Sensing (Se) and Introverted Intuition (Ni). This includes:
accepting that some things won’t change;
doing maintenance or routine work;
extending visionary timeframes; and
being in the sensory here and now and not the imagination.
Ways to work with Extraverted Intuition
Whatever your type and dominant function, you can learn to integrate Extraverted Intuiting approaches into your life. This can help with seeing possibilities and facilitating change.
Here are some practices for developing and applying Extraverted Intuition based on my perceptions, fleshed out with concepts from Functions of Type: Activities to Develop the Eight Jungian Functions by Gary Hartzler and Margaret Hartzler. This book has excellent practical examples of activities to develop all the eight Jungian functions.
Ideas for developing Extraverted Intuition include:
Value external input for generating options:
Learn from those who favour Extraverted Intuition about the value of scanning the external landscape to ignite innovative solutions.
Brainstorm with other people, testing your own mind-mapping or brain-storming with others.
Stretch yourself by seeing how many solutions you can generate for a problem in the external world. This promotes a possibility mindset.
Practice looking for gaps:
In problem-solving situations, practice looking for the gaps to generate new perspectives.
Imagine different states such as ‘My Ideal Day’ to work out what might be missing. This can be a way of identifying desired situations so you can work towards them.
Focus on creating practical possibilities:
Identify opportunities for new products and services. Think of innovative ways to offer them that might provide additional income. If you feel resistant, identify what’s stopping you.
Work in an accountability group for external support as you try new ways of working and creating.
Look for the positive and improved:
Think of how you could do things differently if something didn’t go as planned.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ‘For everything you have missed in life, you have gained something else.‘ Identify where this has applied for positive perspectives.
Try to do what has become routine differently and reflect on this.
Final thoughts
Extraversion and intuition working together can bring new patterns in connections and relationships that provide real-world change. Maximising potential, openness, and entrepreneurial spirit are among its gifts. It is powerful to learn to work with its possibilities whether it is a strong preference or a less natural one.
I hope these insights are valuable for exercising your Extraverted Intuiting muscle to bridge options and generate opportunities. This includes innovative ways of solving challenging problems, even those on a global dimension. Certainly, the cognitive processes that the Extraverted Intuitive type excels in the potential to do exactly that.
Terri Connellan is a certified life coach, author and accredited psychological type practitioner. She has a Master of Arts in Language and Literacy, two teaching qualifications and a successful 30-year career as a teacher and a leader in adult vocational education. Her coaching and writing focus on three elements—creativity, personality and self-leadership—especially for women in transition to a life with deeper purpose. Terri works with women globally through her creative business, Quiet Writing, encouraging deeper self-understanding of body of work, creativity and psychological type for more wholehearted and fulfilling lives. Her book Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition and the accompanying Wholehearted Companion Workbook were published in September 2021 by the kind press. She lives and writes in the outskirts of Sydney surrounded by beach and bush.
