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My wild soul is calling – a wholehearted story

August 28, 2017

This guest post from Elizabeth Milligan reminds us that listening to our wild soul calling can provide important clues to a more wholehearted life.

This is the second guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing. I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors if you are interested.

Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, with each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I am honoured to have my online friend, Elizabeth Milligan, as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Elizabeth and I met through Susannah Conway’s e-course, Blogging From the Heart, years ago now, and have followed and celebrated each other’s journeys ever since.

My sincere thanks to Elizabeth for the contribution of her beautiful personal story to Quiet Writing, including the stunning images from her journey. It’s a journey that has taken her to many new and rediscovered places – read on to find out more!

My wild soul is calling

It’s difficult to say where my story of living a more wholehearted life started. There was no one dramatic, life-changing event. It was more of an ongoing unease and restlessness that prodded me awake at night through my twenties and thirties. A gentle tap-tapping, a whispering breeze, a far-off voice calling my name. I tried to listen and follow my heart. I travelled widely and far afield but I never found an answer. I kept on moving. I switched careers, jobs and countries more times than I can recall, but still something was missing. Depression hit me. Anger. Despair. Why couldn’t I just be? Why the restlessness? The continual searching?

I arrived at my forties and decided it was stability I needed. I stopped moving, got a job, met a man. For a time I was able to breathe. The elation and euphoria of a new love blotted out all other concerns. Or did it? Soon the question of our combined futures was gently raised, and it turned out we were both looking for something other than the lives we were leading. Ten months into our new life together we jumped ship, left the city and ran away to the countryside. The plan was to use our savings, take a sabbatical of sorts from life and work in the city and do something more creative with our days, surrounded by nature. We found a housesit in the middle of nowhere in rural France, gave notice on our jobs, put our stuff into storage, and set off.

Doing the groundwork

It sounds like this was all a smooth transition, but in reality there was a lot going on before any of it could happen. I’m talking about mind-set and subtle changes that take place through conversation, discussion, self-questioning and research. Where ideas and thoughts start to become viable possibilities. I had been listening to Danielle LaPorte’s Fire Starter Sessions and was wanting to take a more proactive approach to my life based on my true values. I had made my first vision board and stuck it on the wall opposite my bed so it was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing at night. I wasn’t really sure what I was looking for but I was certain I was looking for something different.

I felt like I had spent the best part of my life as an observer and onlooker. When was I going have the starring role in my own life rather than a sad, out-of-camera cameo? I could see very clearly where I was in life and to most people, this probably looked like a pretty good place. A good job in a nice French city, a leisurely cycle to work, regular meetings in Paris, outdoor markets for shopping, and beautiful city parks or the hills of Beaujolais for weekend jaunts. But in reality, my job was boring me to tears. It was not who I was and it was not what I wanted. I felt guilty for not wanting it but I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I realised things had to change and I had become aware of other options. Instead of constantly trying to quash the panic and feeling of wanting to run, like I’d been doing for so long, it was time to listen to my gut and break free.

Taking a risk and breaking free

So we took a risk, threw everything up in the air and allowed the universe to catch us. Ever since I read the books of Oriah Mountain Dreamer many moons ago I have wanted to trust in the power of the universe, to open up and surrender to something bigger and infinitely more powerful than we will ever be. This was my chance. I knew that we were going on a journey but I didn’t realise, and still don’t fully understand, the long-term implications of that decision we made one warm summer’s evening in our tiny French apartment.

Before arriving at our housesit, an isolated farmhouse sitting alone in over one hundred acres of rambling fields, I had no plan of what I would do every day. I wanted to see how things would unfold. I was not going to force myself to do anything. I was craving unstructured days and freedom and this was the perfect opportunity.

Finding my inner child

Being completely free with no commitments, no expectations from anyone, and no structure in the day is rather strange at this age. I can see how some people may be uncomfortable with this, but for me it was a wonderful and decadent regression. I felt like a child left behind in a secret world after all the adults had gone home.

I found a pair of wellington boots that fit me and spent my days in wellingtons and shorts trudging around the fields spotting the local wildlife. Deer, hares, coypu, egrets, foxes, wild boar, although these I never saw. I only heard them some nights when the moon was full, calling across the fields with their terrifying blood-curdling screams. I chopped wood for the fire and foraged for herbs and fruit, making nettle soup, elderberry jam and mountains of quince chutney. I made friends with the barn owl that lived in the unused kitchen chimney, and the bats that flew around at night, often through the open windows. I watched the sunrise in the morning and the sunset at night and every full moon I would run into the field behind the barn to catch the first glimpse on the horizon.

Feeling like I was finally in my true environment, I became re-acquainted with the little girl inside and realised with relief that she hadn’t left me after all. She had just been hiding and waiting for the right conditions to show herself again. As a child I loved cycling and I had forgotten what fun it was to cycle around quiet country lanes. Using bikes we found in the barn we started cycling to the shops for our groceries instead of driving. When the weather was warm we would stop off and swim in the river on the journey home. I felt alive. I felt in touch with this beautiful planet we live on. I had rediscovered a missing piece of the puzzle.

Rewriting my story

The next piece of the puzzle I found was regarding personality type. I was in an online group of women and one week a discussion about personality type came up. This was new for me so I did an online test and identified as personality type INFP on the Myers-Briggs scale.

This means nothing if you don’t know about this scale. But what the test results revealed was that I was an introvert. I had never considered whether I was extrovert or introvert before but the realisation felt like the penny dropping. I suddenly saw my past with startling clarity. I had felt like an outsider my whole life. An observer. Someone who kept their distance. I thought I was maybe anti-social. I had been called shy and quiet at best, and aloof and stand-offish at worst. Here was something saying I was perfectly normal and not only that, other people felt the same way too.

I realised that if the stories I had been telling myself were no longer true then everything could change. If I nurtured my introvert qualities and stopped trying to be extrovert like the world seems to want, then I could rewrite not only my past, but my future. Astounding.

Freeing my creative soul

So I started to nurture my newly discovered introvert self. I very tentatively started to allow myself to enjoy being who I was, rather than reprimanding myself for not being someone I wasn’t. I tried to stop worrying about all the things I was not and focus on all the things I was. Of course, this is easier said than done. But what seemed to help me was the daily pursuit of a more creative way of life.

To document life in the farmhouse I had started a blog and this became my way of communicating my newly discovered introvert self to the outside world. Using writing and photography I started expressing myself and sharing my journey online. Later on in our housesitting adventures, I would learn to express myself through art, something I had sadly locked away for years but which thankfully resurfaced along with other creative pursuits as yet another important, and previously missing, piece of the puzzle.

Intuition as a guiding light

Trusting my intuition, although incredibly difficult at times, has become a guiding light on my journey. If I had planned things out too much I would never have discovered my creative side as I have, because I would have been busy committing to those plans. I still have a lot of problems trusting my intuition and tend always to look outward first even though I know that only I have the answers to the deep questions I ask myself. But I’m slowly learning to take the lead in my own life. Inhabiting my life with my creative, nature loving, introverted self rather than filling the role of onlooker in a life that appears alien to me.

Bit by bit the negative and fractious energy built around the person I thought I should be has dissolved and been replaced by a more positive, gentle, flowing energy that is built around who I truly am. Some parts of me I am still shy to show to the world, but these things take time and if I continue to trust my intuition then I am sure everything will slot into place as and when it needs to.

The struggle of self-discovery

All of these new experiences and discoveries were not without struggle though. My demons showed up time and time again in dark moods, self-doubt, fear, impatience and insomnia. Try to imagine this wonderful farmhouse in rural France in the middle of winter when we have been living in a grey cloud for the past few weeks. There is no dry wood for the fire and the wind is howling through the badly fitting doors and windows. The boiler keeps blowing out so there is no hot water and we are sitting there in the kitchen with our demons wondering how long you can spend in such isolation before going completely insane.

In dialogue with my demons

This part of my journey I was not prepared for. But one by one as the demons showed up at the door, snarling at me in disgust, taunting me with their snide comments of ‘not good enough’, ‘failure’ and other such niceties, I invited them in and I sat with them. Quietly hearing them out until they had no more to say and disappeared off, one by one, back into the mist. I knew they would return but I felt like it would be ok. For the first time in my life I had opened up a dialogue with my own mind and somewhere deep inside I knew this to be a turning point and something to learn from. I am still learning, but I now know that once we let the light in and start to show up every day as our true selves, everything changes.

We never did go back to real life, whatever that is, like we sensibly thought we would after our one year sabbatical, now four years ago. Our savings lasted longer than we thought and it was difficult to say no to other housesits. A winter by the sea looking after a tiny hotel. Another two winters looking after an 18^th century château and the resident cat. A summer in a city apartment in Copenhagen.

The way forward

I’m not sure what’s next and I’m not sure it really matters. My life has changed from the inside out and although I know I’m not there yet, I’m certainly on my way to living a much more wholehearted life. Letting go of what no longer serves me and focusing on what lights me up. Most importantly though, I’m enjoying the journey. ♥

Key book companions along the way

The Fire Starter Sessions – Danielle LaPorte

The Creative Fire – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Writing Down the Bones – Natalia Goldberg

The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle

Women who Run with the Wolves – Clarissa Pinkola Estes

I Will Not Die an Unlived Life – Dawna Markova

Turning Pro – Steven Pressfield

The Big Leap – Gay Henricks

The Invitation / The Call / The Dance – Oriah Mountain Dreamer

About Elizabeth Milligan

Elizabeth is an aromatherapist and quiet creative. She is currently redesigning her life and work around her own wholehearted values of creativity, positive interaction with nature, and slow and simple living. You can find Elizabeth online at https://smashedmacarons.com or on Instagram Twitter and Pinterest.

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Creative and connected #11 – on the special value of self-leadership

August 25, 2017

“Become a scientist of your own experience.”

Elizabeth Gilbert quoting her guru on The Good Life Project

Here’s a round-up of what I’ve enjoyed this week on self-leadership and how we work towards being wholehearted through taking personal action.

My guest post on How To Become The Heart Of Successful Leadership featured recently on WorkSearch.com. It celebrates the art of self-leadership and knowing yourself as a leader. It was based on the recently published book, Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude by Raymond M Kethledge and Michael S Erwin. My personal experience as a leader, introvert, life-long learner and committed autodidact also influenced my thoughts and reflections.

Two key threads underlie Quiet Writing: one is being wholehearted and how we create our stories; the other is self-leadership and how we work towards being wholehearted through taking personal action. The key to taking action and knowing which actions to take are:

knowing ourselves and what we value and desire
learning to listen to our inner knowing
understanding our innate personality, including its strengths and what is challenging for us
seeking out, incorporating and acting on influence and inspiration from others.

My thoughts on wholehearted self-leadership stem from being a leader in the workplace and learning from this experience. The leadership of creativity and my impact on others’ ability to be innovative has been a key theme in my life’s work. I’m interested in how this lens can now be applied more broadly so that self-leadership is a way of promoting self-driven approaches to more holistic career and creativity.

The key aspects I have chosen to focus on in Quiet Writing are:

Life Coaching – for wholehearted self-leadership
Writing – to discover our wholehearted stories and in this how we strive for creative lives and careers
Personality assessment and exploration – to be able to explore our personality stories through Jung/Myers-Briggs frameworks and other perspectives to help us in our quest for understanding, accepting and knowing ourselves.

These three threads interweave throughout Quiet Writing. Today, let’s focus on the special value of self-leadership: what it means to me and what’s in the literature about this idea so that we can build on it together.

Podcasts on aspects of self-leadership

It was difficult to find podcasts specifically on this subject. This made me reflect on what self-leadership is and how my listening and reading choices and influences now and over the years are part of self-leadership. How I’ve decided to spend my time, who I’ve decided to engage with and listen to and read and who I’ve decided to learn from and study with – are all part of my self-leadership choices, especially as a self-directed learner.

I wrote many years ago about My Seven Stars and it’s amazing how these stars still influence me today. They have reappeared in critical podcasts this week, with themes that reappear over time. This week seemed to be all about these influences coming together in new ways.

Susannah Conway on Building a Heart-centred Business – on The Priestess Podcast with Julie Parker

This podcast felt like two parts of my world coming together – both centred around building a heart-centred business. Susannah Conway is one of my seven stars from my 2010 post, so I have been connected with her for a long time. I have done just about all of Susannah’s fabulous ecourses and each has been a critical part of my life, especially Blogging from the Heart. She has inspired my notions of building a heart-centred business.

When I made a plan to pursue Life Coaching as a new wholehearted career, I was naturally looking for a program aligned to my goals of being heart-centred. It was such a thrill to find Julie Parker and the Beautiful You Coaching Academy. I have just finished this life-changing program and am now a Beautiful You Life Coach working with clients. To hear Susannah and Julie talk together on this podcast – their first chat together – about building a heart-centred business was amazing. It’s a fabulous example of self-leadership in action as they follow their hearts in business. And it’s not with a business plan, but with a passion and desire to make a difference and connect authentically with people.

Curiosity and the Passion Fallacy – Elizabeth Gilbert on Jonathan Fields’ The Good Life Project

Jonathan Fields is another person I’ve followed for many years. He is a big fan of the examined life and what makes a good life. Elizabeth Gilbert is another major influence on writing and creativity and especially how we can give ourselves permission and take charge. This conversation was full of gems about self-leadership in life and creativity and especially the role of curiosity and learning. I love the quote that heads this post that Elizabeth cites as advice from her guru: “Become a scientist of your own experience.” I love that thought of having self-compassion as we learn and not beating ourselves up too much as we try new things on our journey. I need to listen to this one again with a notebook in hand.

Feels like the first time – on Personality Hacker with Joel Mark Witt and Antonia Dodge

Knowing our personality type and its strengths and challenges is a key part of Quiet Writing. That’s why I’ve gained certification in personality assessment given the impact that knowing more about my personality type had on me. It was another life-changing step on my self-leadership journey. On the Personality Hacker podcast, Joel and Antonia talk about their recent experience of learning more about their personality and how, even as experts in this space, it felt like the first time. They talk about how we can resist integrating parts of our personality and that it may take time to absorb the information, especially for the more challenging aspects. This podcast highlights how learning about yourself is an ongoing and open-ended adventure which can be so enlightening.

How to be a writer: traditional publishing to indie and hybrid – with John Birmingham on The Creative Penn

Joanna Penn is another of my seven stars and not a week goes by when I don’t learn something from her! So much of being an indie author is about self-leadership and self-learning. This chat with Australian author, John Birmingham, was a fantastic insight into the publishing industry. It shows how, even for experienced full-time writers, indie publishing offers a self-directed alternative that puts control and resources back in the author’s hands. It’s an honest and fascinating account of how John Birmingham took himself through this shift to being hybrid for practical reasons. Great to hear an Aussie voice on the show too!

Books and reading notes

My reading week

In line with my recent post on reading more productively and the accountability here, I’ve been reading a few books concurrently. I’m reading Sharon Blackie’s If Women Rose Rooted: The Journey to Authenticity and Belonging in hard copy and also Spitting Blood: The History of Tuberculosis by Helen Bynum as an ebook. Both very different reads, but fascinating in their own way.

I’ve also been listening to Write. Publish. Repeat. (The No Luck Required Guide to Self-publishing Success) by Sean Platt and Johnny B Truant with David Wright, as an audiobook. The authors make their living as full-time indie authors and tell you how they did it and make money from it. And yes, there’s a lot of self-developed knowledge and self-leadership in there – including a heap of mistakes they’ve learnt from. There’s a lot of swearing and honest fun in this practical book based on years of experience.

I’ve also been really hard at work reading my own ebook ’36 Books that Shaped my Story: Reading as Creative Influence’ as I prepare to send it out into the world to Quiet Writing subscribers! There’s been so many practical stumbling blocks and so much learning as I go through my own first self-publishing journey. My plan is to launch on 3 September so make sure you sign up to Quiet Writing so you can receive it!

Book and blog notes on this week’s theme of self-leadership

First mention goes to the fabulous ‘Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude‘ by Raymond M Kethledge and Michael S Erwin. Reading this book intensively over a weekend as for the guest post, How to Become the Heart of Successful Leadership, was a deep, immersive read on the aspects of self-leadership at the heart of being a successful leader. This was something I had long known and felt myself, as the post explains. This book really helped to understand these aspects of self-leadership in a new and thorough way.

Based on case-studies of leaders and interviews with contemporary leaders, it is full of grounded advice on managing the self as the first step in leading others. It’s about how people need solitude to be clear and in touch with themselves as they lead. And it’s not just about introverts; the case study examples show that extraverts also need to check in with themselves through solitude especially in challenging leadership circumstances. I highly recommend this excellent book. More in my guest post – so hop over to WorkSearch.com and have a read!

To be honest, the idea of self-leadership has been with me for quite a while. It was there before I read ‘Lead Yourself First’ and before I found anything online about it. It emerged from my own thinking and experiences, especially ‘wholehearted self-leadership’ as a central focus of Quiet Writing.

It’s been interesting to see what is already out there about self-leadership. So here’s a snapshot of some information.

Self Leadership International which provides the definition:

Self-leadership is having a developed sense of who you are, what you can do, where you are going coupled with the ability to influence your communication, emotions and behaviors on the way to getting there.

The article What is self-leadership reinforces the central role of self-leadership in leadership and making a difference. The article postulates that self-leadership begins with self-awareness and self-management then shifts to awareness and management of others.

Derek Lauber provides 8 principles in The zen of self-leadership, based on the premise that:

Self-leadership is your ability to masterfully lead yourself so you can create the success you want for yourself, your family, your business and your life.

In Self-leadership and success, Brett Steenbarger’s thoughts are most in line with what I am thinking about. He says:

Think of your life as a diversified organization. You are in the business of living….

When you think about it, you are the CEO of a rather diversified enterprise. Any such business requires capable leadership.

His key message is that:

Self-leadership begins when we stop prioritizing tasks and start prioritizing the elevated state in which we are most productive.

This is very valuable advice! I see our personal productivity as a key piece in being positive self-leaders.

Blog/Twitter/Instagram posts and interactions:

A favourite blog read this week was Nicole Cody’s post on healing stones and their energies, something I am exploring more. I sought out a few key stones this week that were calling me: amethyst, citrine, black tourmaline, amazonite and carnelian.

On Instagram, there’s been plenty of activity around Susannah Conway’s The August Break focused around noticing, community and inspiration. My photo for ‘silver’ this week featured the shimmering waters of the beach beckoning me. I haven’t been there as much as I would like and need to get back after being unwell. One thing I’ve learnt about self-leadership is that self-care and exercise is a huge part of it! I need to honour this.

On Quiet Writing and Tarot Narratives

On Quiet Writing, it was busy behind the scenes as I worked on my 36 Books ebook. I also prepared for our next ‘Wholehearted Stories’ post on Monday in partnership with the author. I can’t wait to share this beautiful story with you from a very special guest blogger.

My Tarot Narratives on Instagram have continued to be a rich source of inspiration and insight for my journey. Thanks for all the creative interactions. It was so lovely to celebrate the arrival of Lisa McLoughlin’s Life Design Cards along with my healing stones this week. It’s a deck focused on tools and practices for self-leadership and ‘weaving a different story’. It was lovely when #28 ‘Enjoy the lush and flourishing’, popped up to say hello with the message:

Through the simplest of pleasures, be more present to the warmth, colourfulness and juiciness of life. What is holding you back from making pleasure a priority?”

Indeed. It’s a good time for getting unstuck in many ways.

Have a fabulous creative weekend!

Creative and Connected is a regular post each Friday and the previous posts are below. I hope you enjoy it. I would love any feedback via social media or comments and let me know what you are enjoying too.

Feature image via pexels.com

Keep in touch

Subscribe via email (see the link at the top) to make sure you receive updates from Quiet Writing and its passions in 2017. This includes MBTI developments, coaching, creativity and other connections to help express your unique voice in the world. My free e-book on the books that have shaped my story is coming soon – so sign up to receive it!

Quiet Writing is on Facebook – Please visit here and ‘Like’ to keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. There are regular posts on intuition, influence, creativity, productivity, writing, voice, introversion and personality including Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

If you enjoyed this post, please share via your preferred social media channel – links are below.

Our heart always knows the way – a wholehearted story

July 30, 2017

Frustrated in the quest to find work and a life you love? Don’t despair, the greatest truth is that our heart always knows the way.

This is the first guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing. I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here.

In essence, Quiet Writing celebrates wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity and I am keen for a community of voices to be telling their story of what wholehearted living means here in this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I am thrilled to have my dear friend, Katherine Bell, as the first ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Katherine and I met through an online course, The Introvert Effect, created by Katherine Mackenzie-Smith. When I talked on a group phone call about my planned transition to a more wholehearted way of life, Katherine reached out to me afterwards, sensing a connection in our stories. We have been firm and amazingly synchronistically connected friends ever since, supporting each other and sharing a love of books and especially of David Whyte, who features in this story.

I hope you enjoy Katherine’s story, poem and exquisite photography. My sincere thanks to Katherine for her beautiful contribution to Quiet Writing.

Starting out on my journey towards wholehearted life and work

This is not a romantic story. Certainly, others found it inspiring to start with—a quest towards a better life is something we can all relate to … for a time. But when the initial 12 months I had planned (what was I thinking?) grew into 18, then 24 … then five years and there were no tangibles like an impressive job title, a book, or the usual manifestations we take as evidence that someone has a successful life … well, cue crickets chirping and tumbleweed rolling down the deserted street.

Not long after my 39th birthday, with my life in a dire mess, I checked myself into a psychologist. I naively approached this as I would manage a work project, and estimated that I would be fixed before I turned 40. I was about to learn that inner work—deep inner work—is nowhere near linear. My biggest challenge was that I didn’t know what I wanted, despite recognising that I was desperately unhappy. I also felt that something was wrong with me, as the kind of prescribed life my partner of nearly 20 years had envisaged for us—and that everybody else seemed to want as well—was just not me. I felt like the Ugly Duckling, I simply didn’t belong.

A beacon of hope

It wasn’t until a friend passed a copy of David Whyte’s ‘Crossing the Unknown Sea—Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity to me around the same time that I recognised a voice like my own for the first time, and dared to hope that there was another way for work, relationship, life— a way that fit with me, instead of my feeble attempts to contort in ever-increasingly painful ways to fit with it. I can vividly recall the night I started to read it. I was in the bathtub (my Fortress of Solitude in those days) again feeling like the Ugly Duckling. But this time, the experience was akin to the duckling’s heart both leaping and aching when he looked up to see beautiful swans—his own kind—flying overhead. I recognised in David Whyte a kindred other who lived at depth, even though I did not quite know what living at depth was at that time.

This simple, profound recognition was enough to start me on the journey of my own unknown sea. Here, finally, was someone else who had crossed that sea, I recognised his voice, and I knew I belonged in some way to that pilgrimage. Fast forward to the present day, and with a small, knowing smile I say that the recognition was of my own voice. The best gift of David Whyte’s words have not been their beauty, nor their inspiration (as profound as both are) but the validity, the permission, they gave to my own words, my own voice. There was nothing wrong with me after all, I was not a duckling, I was a swan. I had simply been surrounded with voices that did not recognise mine.

With that first heart-leap of recognition, and the simple permission given by the Wonderful Mr Whyte, I took the plunge into the unknown sea towards work, life and relationship that was wholehearted. I tackled the problem in the only way I knew how to at the time, which was to leave my job, home, partner and city in the same week (not recommended) and take flight to the other side of the world for six weeks. My entire known life was in storage, ready to be dealt with when I got back.

In this way I jumped into my own metaphorical boat with not a clue (thankfully) of the squally territory that lay ahead, or that I would feel at sea for several years. I say “feel at sea” as in reality we are never truly lost, or alone, it just feels that way, and part of our quest is to be able to endure the inevitable crises of discomfort, discouragement, or despair. It’s a riding out of the storm, knowing that it will eventually pass.

Allowing our heart direction to emerge

I think the trip was the only part of the plan that made sense, in hindsight. It gave me the relief and spaciousness I needed—both literally, staying in remote parts of the English countryside and roaming open fields, mountains, and wild clifftops in the rain, and metaphorically, in starting to thaw out from what had been a fraught existence, both at work and home, for long years at a stretch. I felt like I was emerging from a coma and needing to learn what was real again. This was in the smallest of ways to begin with, an almost imperceptible turning of my head and simple noticing of what elicited a positive reaction in me, like surprise at hearing the unfamiliar sound of my own laugh.

It was a significant shock when I returned to Australia without a home, job, partner or any structure to my life and needed to take the first breath of my new life. I moved to a regional town near my family, embarking on a series of experiments to find work that worked for me. Work, for me, is of central importance, and my experiences with it not working have been as painful as any of my life’s challenges. David Whyte elevates work to the status of a marriage in his book “The Three Marriages: Reimagining Work, Self and Relationship” and I agree with it being given this priority. This is especially so for those who are creative types—there is no divorcing ourselves from our work, they are one and the same entity.

In Crossing the Unknown Sea, David Whyte talks of “having a firm persuasion in our work” (p.5) and that has certainly been the crux of my quest, taking precedence over relationship for a time. I have grappled with finding work that is heartfelt and resonant, and what has looked like foolishness to others from a financial perspective has been a dogged determination to settle for nothing less. I certainly miss elements of my former lifestyle, but in resolutely setting my sail to my own course I can say I am at peace and happy.

My golden rule is that as mine is the only head to hit my pillow each night, I’m best qualified to set that sail, as long as I am staying aligned to what is true for me. It has, however, been stressful in needing to hold out far longer than I envisaged, yet the alternative—the life I used to live and the work I used to do—is no more an option for me as running a race if I no longer had legs. As Whyte’s friend Brother David said to him “You are only half here, and half here will kill you after a while. You need something to which you can give your full powers” (p.132).

Discovering my work

The only idea I had about what my right kind of work looked like was that I wanted to write. Knowing that I wasn’t interested in writing fiction was at least a start. I stumbled through exploring writerly activities such as creating a blog, writing poetry, entering writing competitions, and applying for a writing scholarship. However, apart from the cathartic blog and poetry, it felt as though I was contorting myself again into a shape that wasn’t quite right. Thankfully, as Rumi says, “what you seek is seeking you”, and I soon had an opportunity presented to write for a research organisation, work which I found I truly loved. All my clumsy attempts and experiments had in fact been my apprenticeship to the kind of writing I love. In revisiting an earlier journal I discovered the prophetic words:

“My work will be a melange of my heart – not just one thing, it will be a blend of all the things that make my heart glad: writing, thinking, researching; the alchemy of ideas”.

Here was evidence that my heart had known all along, I had just not been in a place to hear it, let alone respond to it.

The benefit of hindsight

Hindsight shows us that all experiences—even the most painful—prepare us for our own particular work. Some experiences are definitive (like David Whyte’s influence on me, foundational stones to the structure of the work which only we can do) and some are transitional, forming the scaffolding we need to emerge ever so slowly until ready to stand and reveal our work to the world.

If I could rewind the clock and give myself some advice to make the journey easier, it would centre on the following.

There is no timeframe in matters of the heart, especially when needing to find a way back to life after being metaphorically dead as I was. It will take as long as it will take, even if you are just a little lost. Don’t try to plan and control it; it will only cause additional pain. I think one of the most important things is that any emotional or psychic recovery needs to be given the same credence as a physical injury. I have had to constantly adjust my expectations of the timeframe of recovery, likening it to having every bone, muscle, ligament broken and undergoing extensive rehabilitation, and learning to live again being more than a little changed.
Be kind and patient … with yourself. I wish I had cut myself some slack along the way; I was really doing the best I knew how to at any given point, as feeble as that was.
The truth is not that everything will be OK, it’s that it already is. Time and time again I have had to remind myself “all is well”. Even in the darkest moments, the truth is that everything is working for us when we are aligned to our hearts, not against us.
It’s not a journey with a destination. I’m still not there, and I don’t think I ever will be. As David Whyte says, it’s a ‘continuing conversation’. The important thing is that we keep showing up, open-hearted, looking for the Hansel and Gretel trail that leads us ever homewards, crumbs as clues left behind by an engaged and benevolent Hand (whether we understand that to be our God, our Higher Self, or whatever language we use to give meaning and shape to our spirituality).

From the time I first recognised David Whyte’s voice (and ultimately my own) in the bath all those years ago to now, I trust my little boat, metaphor for my heart, to carry me ever onwards. I have nothing to fear while I’m aligned to it. My only request is that after several years at stormy sea, I’m soon taken to safe harbour for a little respite, perhaps where I can feel the warmth of the sun of friendship and community on my face. Then, as it is now, all will be well.

Postscript

This reflective journey has led me back to a poem that I first started to write as I walked the clifftops in England all those years ago, with my own unknown sea stretched before me. Whilst not originally written with the intention of sharing it, it seems to fit so beautifully into my story that I offer it here.

After

It turns out (in the end) that I am far
stronger than we all thought.

Surprisingly,
I chose to be brave at morning’s first light,
however grey and dim it appeared then.

Turning towards the east
to walk ever closer to the Ocean of Who Knows What,
throwing my face and caution
to the biting wind of my vulnerability,
stripped of all pretence and belief
for better, or for worse:
Strengthened
or at last, Ruined.

In angry defiance
—or quiet acceptance?—
I signed up, took the gamble,
declaring “See here?
This, this is my Mark,
my Consent,
my Line In The Sand
of how I will live and be in this world.
And if I die at this brutal hand
well …
at least I felt the sharp slap and bite of the wind,
the driving rain that hurt my eyes and became my tears,
and the aching weight of loss
after loss
—how will I bear it?—
but knowing at last,
This was Me
I had reached Land’s End,
And I refused to go into hiding again.

Standing on the cliff buffeted, yet
Resolute, watching
the cruel sea
Relentless against captive rocks,
I thought “Poor things, they’re just like me…
—pounded and near-drowned”.

Then pounded and near-drowned some more.

In years to come I will know that in
choosing to live
at risk of the Open Sea
I breathed
walked
and dreamed
Awake
Alive
in this beautiful and vicious world
that sometimes despised,
sometimes loved me
(I never knew which it was).

crossing the unknown sea

Key book companions along the way

The Enchanted April, by Elizabeth von Arnim

The Language of Letting Go, by Melody Beattie

Entering the Castle: An inner path to your soul, by Caroline Myss

In the Meantime, by Iyanla Vanzant

Crossing the Unknown Sea, by David Whyte

In Tune with the Infinite, by Ralph Waldo Trine

Women who Run with the Wolves, by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

To Live Again, by Catherine Marshall

The God of Surprises, by Gerard W. Hughes

The Courage to be Disliked, by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

About Katherine Bell

Before turning to the quieter world of writing, editing and research, Katherine worked for 25 years in the corporate sector across multiple industries in senior administrative and strategic project roles. Making a tree-change from Sydney to regional NSW several years ago, Katherine is passionate about promoting research that translates into real-life outcomes. She is currently working on forming an alliance with other corporate escapees who share her passion for making the workplace more humane and sustainable, particularly for those who are introverted or highly sensitive. Co-founder of The Edit Bureau she also assists academics in Australia and overseas with getting their work published.

Keep in touch

Subscribe via email (see the link at the top and below) to make sure you receive updates from Quiet Writing and its passions in 2017. This includes MBTI developments, coaching, creativity and other connections to help express your unique voice in the world. My free ebook on the books that have shaped my story is coming soon for subscribers only – so sign up to be the first to receive it!

Quiet Writing is on Facebook – Please visit here and ‘Like’ to keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. There are regular posts on intuition, influence, creativity, productivity, writing, voice, introversion and personality including Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

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Transforming into the new – Capricorn Full Moon tarot reading

July 10, 2017

“We surrender our old snakeskin, old forms and institutions and await our transformation and expansion into the ‘new’.”

Pat Liles, from The Power Path

The Capricorn Full Moon invites a practical transforming of our lives. This tarot reading reflects on how we can enact and be comfortable with this change.

Here are some thoughts on this Full Moon in Capricorn from Mystic Mamma to set the scene for the energies available to us:

FULL MOON* coming into bloom in Capricorn brings core issues to the forefront of our consciousness. This is a time to strengthen personal boundaries and time to honor our feelings as we carefully navigate the delicate shores of our relationships.

This Full Moon has powerful energies for valuable insights about transforming ourselves. It’s time to tap into our personal story to find the way forward.

Chad Woodward says:

Distance and solitude may be your best tactic in dealing with these energies. In fact, this is a good time to step away from any developing, external drama to assess your own life position to gain insight into the changes that need to be made at this time..”

It’s a big picture shift. There’s an emphasis on understanding our story and the threads that connect it at a deep level. This Capricorn New Moon provides an opportunity to set intentions around creative and life practices that will help us break through, especially self-discipline.

It’s a time to ground ourselves through supports such as community. This practical restructuring is an opportunity to move into new ways of being and feeling less hamstrung. In this way, we can be more comfortable and authentic in new levels of work, service and creativity. It signals the opportunity to shed what no longer serves us in a dramatic way.

Full Moon in Capricorn tarot reading tools:

For my reading for the Capricorn Full Moon, I worked with:

This FULL Moon tarot spread by Sam Roberts aka @escapingstars on Instagram:

And I worked with the Sakki Sakki Tarot deck by Monicka Clio Sakki which is my favourite tarot deck especially for questions around creativity.

Tarot reading:

So here’s the reading:

There was definitely a big smile of recognition as the Three of Coins (Pentacles) arrived first up in the “Where are you in life right now?” position. I had already pulled this card earlier the same day as part of my daily Tarot Narrative reading and linked it with creative solitude. And it’s the card that featured in my launch of Quiet Writing Coaching as the beautiful Three of Air. Remember the butterfly glasses? It was linked to building a solid foundation and co-creation. ‘The architecture of my dreams is becoming tangible, taking shape before me’ as The Good Tarot puts it.

STRENGTH has also popped up a lot lately, three times in a row the week before. So strength, and how we recognise it in our lives, jumps out as a key theme.

Then there are the big cards of DEATH and THE WORLD – some huge transformational energies and directions there! The NINE of COINS and KNIGHT of CUPS also provide clues around realising dreams and recognising gains already made. They provide guidance about being comfortable and pragmatic with these next steps of change.

Tarot reading – card by card:

So here are some deeper thoughts, card by card, in relation to the questions. I worked intuitively with some key supporting words from the Mystic Mamma post, the Sakki Sakki tarot guidebook Playing with Symbols, Jessa Crispin’s fabulous book The Creative Tarot and Rachel Pollack’s Tarot Wisdom.

1 Where are you in life right now? THREE OF COINS (PENTACLES)

This signals a level of reaching a special place whilst still building the foundations and working out the creative architecture. I have written about this card in my Tarot Narrative series as like building a cathedral, an image drawn from both Jessa Crispin’s commentary in Creative Tarot and Sage Cohen’s book, Fierce on the Page.

There’s a sense of laying the foundations, connecting the critical pieces and combining the essential ingredients to do our big work in the world. It’s about restructuring our practices and priorities to achieve what we want. We’re investing time and solitude to work out the collaborators, the values and the skills. As Rachel Pollack reinforces in Tarot Wisdom:

Thus, practical knowledge and spiritual awareness help to produce work of the highest level.

So, this card reminds me that I’m in a good place and working on my deep work in the world.

2 How do you project yourself to the world? What is the truth of your relationships in your life? STRENGTH

My sense of this card is around realising our own brand of strength. Strength flows from so many places: our inner resources, our family, our friends, our community, our online connections, the kindred souls we connect with each day, our ancestors, our guides, our mentors, our teachers. All of these resources combine to help us forge our way. We can focus on the lack of strength we occasionally feel, but we can also draw on these immense resources and feel strong for the transformation journey.

Part of this is realising and embracing our vulnerabilities as well. They make us authentic and strong in our own way – our learnings, our challenges and our resilience.

As Monicka Clio Sakki reminds us for the Strength card:

Inside our soft spots, where we hold our greatest weaknesses, confusions and fears, we can find hints of how to transform ourselves and manifest our ideals.

So being strong involves being grateful for and marshalling significant support and resources. It also involves embracing vulnerabilities as a source of growth, communication and authenticity.

3 What is blocking your desires and goals? KNIGHT of CUPS

The Knight of Cups arrives with his gorgeous romantic nature to remind me to be grounded and to balance self and service. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in our own work. It’s important to remember the gift of practical service and translating things into the real world. I need to make sure I am connected.

An excellent article, Bridging the online business and humanitarian worlds from life coach and human rights activist, Naomi Arnold, popped into my Twitter feed today to say exactly this:

I hope we can stand firm in our integrity and always be mindful of how we are balancing serving ourselves and others.

And Jessa Crispin reminds us:

Whatever the inspiration or connection the Knight of Cups carries, if he or she cannot translate that into something that can exist in the real world, it loses its power.

4 What do you need to do to overcome these obstacles? NINE of COINS

The Nine of Coins suggests the need to realise gains, celebrate and recognise the riches. It’s important to operate from an environment of abundance not lack and to know our worth.

Ironically perhaps, one of the best ways to overcome the obstacles of being focused on the self is to realise the successes and what comes with that. Having reached a certain point of comfort with strengths realised and foundations built, there’s pride and also a responsibility. And with this comes a sense of moving on with the work and not concentrating on the paths to get there so much.

We can stop the machinations and get on with practical and genuine service, stepping into our power and sharing it. It’s about knowing our true worth in every sense and tapping into that to be of service through our creativity and insights. It’s a higher level view we can now shift to.

5 What can you do within yourself in order to help achieve these desires? DEATH

Finally committing to transforming means looking at what no longer serves to supports this higher purpose. Whether it be old habits, contexts, institutions, self-images or patterns, this is the opportunity to shift up a gear and beyond what might hold us back. If we are moving on, we are moving on. It’s time to get real with that and throw overboard any heavy weights keeping us slowed down.

As Jessa Crispin puts it so beautifully:

Death allows us to bid farewell to the way we were working or living before, and that change can have great inspirational impact on us.

6 What can you learn from the outside world/others to help you manifest your goals/desires? KING of SWORDS

In line with that grounding of being in service and community, it’s important to be disciplined and focused in meeting the needs of others. I need my ideas to coalesce with others, forming a connection in creativity.

There’s so much strength in community and support of all kinds as the STRENGTH card showed. It’s seeing how we can work together to achieve mutual goals. This also might mean opening up our work and platform to others.

This is exactly what I started doing last week with offering an opportunity for guest blogging on Quiet Writing via my Creative and Connected post. It’s the first time I have opened up my blog and platform in this way. I have been so excited to make the offer and for the heartfelt responses that have come forward. This shows me that our work is about collaboration in so many ways and our collective voices can strengthen each other.

The whole philosophy of being creative and connected has become a driving force for Quiet Writing. I am so looking forward to this being an ongoing, bigger and transforming part of its focus and service. I hope you’ll be a part of it!

7 The projected outcome? The WORLD

A lot of the messages I’ve received lately via tarot and oracle intuitive tools have been about the end of one cycle and the beginning of another. This card shows a culmination step, a pause in gathering and reflecting, but also one of mastery and self-actualisation. It’s really happening! It’s time to shine!

As Monicka Clio Sakki tells us:

The World represents the last step of the journey – the completion of a full cycle. We have traveled along our worldly path with discipline and devotion, joyously gathering the lessons and gifts given to us. We are now ready to dance our own Dance of Life, understanding that true freedom is commitment to a cause or goal. It is time to be whoever we wish to become.

That balance between self and service arises here again to remind us that we go through cycles of personal growth. We withdraw and skill up, working on our intuition, creativity or other talents. Then comes a time to see how this links with practical service and being of value to others. The learnings from our journey with all its vulnerabilities can be shared to help others likewise shine, share and transform. It becomes a kind of collective transformation that gathers strength from its community and moves in new directions, taking an organic life of its own.

Ways to step into the new

So are your thoughts also around transforming and stepping into the new: comfortably, practically and with a balance between self and service?

Here are some practical questions prompted by the Capricorn Full Moon and reflections on my reading.They are around realising our own brand of strength, our progress and steps into the new. They also focus on being comfortable with this so we can move on and foster increased community and value.

Journal, reflect or brainstorm around these questions to help maximise your personal change management at this time:

Where have you been working to build strong foundations in your work and growth?
What have you achieved?: What skills or products have you developed? Which courses have you finished? Which goals have you reached?
How have you celebrated or marked your achievements?
Where are you potentially focusing on self too much or at the expense of service?
When are you being a little too self-indulgent and it’s maybe not helping?
Where can you extend any significant change and learning processes to others?
What vulnerabilities might you share to help others on their journey and how might you do that?
What are the sources of your strength – people, skills, guides, spiritual support – and how can you strengthen these strengths?
Where can you connect up with others in service? How can you share your platform or skills to support and foster the growth of others?
Where can you choose to feel more comfortable with what you have achieved?
What creative practices can you put in place to lead a more self-disciplined life?
Which negative self-images or associations can you now let go of as you move on?
What can you build? What’s the blueprint for your big plan?
What does this new world look like for you and others?

Wisdom from The World

And here is some final wisdom from The World via the Art of Life Tarot:

May you build your new world on strong foundations with the help of those who can support and strengthen you. And through that, may you be of service to others and have a fun and productive learning experience!

Butterfly feature image from pexels.com and used with permission and thanks.

Keep in touch

Quiet Writing is on Facebook – Please visit here and ‘Like’ to keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. There are regular posts on tarot, intuition, influence, passion, creativity, productivity, writing, voice, introversion and Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).

Subscribe via email (see the link at the top and below) to make sure you receive updates from Quiet Writing and its passions in 2017. This includes MBTI developments, coaching, creativity and other connections to help express your unique voice in the world. Free ebook on the books that have shaped my creativity coming soon for subscribers only!

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“You are the authority on you” – a review of Danielle LaPorte’s ‘White Hot Truth’

April 4, 2017

“I’m a seeker who writes about what I find. And maybe, on just the right day, I can help you flatten your learning curve. If I’ve got anything to say, it’s this: you are the authority on you.”
Danielle LaPorte – White Hot Truth: Clarity for keeping it real on your spiritual path from one seeker to another

I am a huge fan of Danielle LaPorte. I love her clear, crisp, grounded, heart-filled way of talking and thinking. Her work is concurrently suffused with spirit and light whilst being grounded in experience and day to day living.

She speaks directly to my heart, and I’ve been listening for nearly 10 years now since I first came across her work when I was somewhat completely brought to my knees with the open-hearted surgery that is grief.

Back then, Danielle’s web-site was called White Hot Truth, something I needed at a time when each day had the consistency of mud I tried to swim through. “Yes, I’ll have some of that ‘White Hot Truth’ please“. I read and followed, a gentle disciple of the heart, as Danielle spoke to me of hope and self-compassion.

I’ve since followed her work and when I saw that White Hot Truth was coming back in another form as a book, I signed up to read ahead, review and be part of the ‘White Hot Truth’ launch team. I knew from experience this would be something very special, a honed diamond sparkling its message for me and others to catch.

The light in White Hot Truth

White Hot Truth is this diamond, each chapter a facet of light, grounded in a memoir-kind of reflection, distilling experience that heads straight for the heart. I alternated between reading on-screen and listening to Danielle’s voice via the audiobook. This made the reading process all the richer as I shifted between my voice engaging directly with the words, and Danielle’s voice reading her own.

The book traverses so many realms – it’s deep and wide but its terrain is clear and sweeps away any barriers to understanding in its path. The essence of the book is to become aware of the lies or unhelpful blocks that may have found their way into our trusting hearts including the “really big lies” of inadequacy, authority and affiliation. And to recognise that we are able to take in so much influence and so many ideas and still be the authority on ourselves, the one to make the decisions with wisdom, the one to set boundaries with an open heart.

Some quotes from White Hot Truth

Danielle draws from wide sources to find the most perfect quotes to place strategically. And then sprinkled through like stars sending their energy through the text, there are Danielle’s own quotable quotes and truthbombs.

A few of my favourites of so many I have highlighted:

On flow: “It was too much flow and not enough restraint. I was a river in need of some riverbanks.”

On forgiveness: “The heart runs on its own clock, untethered from calendar days or years.”

On self-help: “The best self-help is self-compassion.”

On approval: “Working for approval takes up a lot of energy, and it can be a huge distraction from seeing the gifts that you already hold in your hands.”

Wisdom, paradox and authenticity in White Hot Truth

A key piece of wisdom threaded through-out is that of paradox. White Hot Truth shows how with clarity, you can take both perspectives and find a path. For example, you can lead with your heart and your head. You don’t have to choose. How many of us have shut down one side of the equation because we fear losing the other, when really it’s a false dichotomy. I know I have. This book opens up paradox as a kind of wisdom.

I read White Hot Truth concurrently with Marrow by Elizabeth Lesser. In Marrow, Elizabeth talks about ‘Authenticity Deficit Disorder’, how we tiptoe around those things we really want to say or be, those things that really matter as we go through our days. It seems that sometimes it takes a tragedy, serious illness or terrible grief to make us go there to the marrow. And even then we can manage to side step it.

In White Hot Truth, Danielle speaks directly, supporting us to honour our authenticity and love who and what we are. She encourages us to recognise where we may have inadvertently blunted our ability to cut through. She shows us how to speak up without fear, through being a voice and model for how to speak up.

Being real and who we are as influence

Mark Nepo in The Book of Awakening talks about the energy of being real, of ‘mana’, of the extraordinary power of being who we are to influence others:

In this way, without any intent to shape others, we simply have to be authentic, and a sense of ‘mana’, of spiritual light and warmth, will emanate from our souls, causing others to grow – not towards us, but towards the light that moves through us.

White Hot Truth made me smile with recognition and more than once, I held my heart as my eyes filled with tears as something broke through, probably self-compassion.

At times laugh-out-loud funny, other times shocking and sobering, it’s a ball of bright authentic light offered as a guide from one seeker to another to illuminate our path. I’m so grateful for its warm and passionate influence. Like ‘The Hierophant’ card in tarot, this book is a teacher and a reminder that:

….we are not alone; we can actually take someone else’s advice and methods and recast them to meet our own needs

Playing with Symbols, Monicka Clio Sakki

In fact White Hot Truth encourages us to do exactly that and for you to be the authority on you. I know it will shape and guide my own inspired path now and for years to come.

Review and Publication notes:

White Hot Truth will be published on 16 May 2017 and is available on pre-order. Because I am part of the White Hot Truth Launch Team, I got the advanced digital copy. You can get a chance to listen to the book before it’s in stores with the free audio book. Find out how here: daniellelaporte.com/whitehottruth/

Keep in touch & free ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

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self-leadership

My wild soul is calling

Doing the groundwork

Taking a risk and breaking free

Finding my inner child

Rewriting my story

Freeing my creative soul

Intuition as a guiding light

The struggle of self-discovery

In dialogue with my demons

The way forward

Key book companions along the way

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Podcasts on aspects of self-leadership

Books and reading notes

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On Quiet Writing and Tarot Narratives

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Starting out on my journey towards wholehearted life and work

A beacon of hope

Allowing our heart direction to emerge

Discovering my work

The benefit of hindsight

Postscript

After

Key book companions along the way

About Katherine Bell

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“We surrender our old snakeskin, old forms and institutions and await our transformation and expansion into the ‘new’.”

Pat Liles, from The Power Path

Full Moon in Capricorn tarot reading tools:

Tarot reading:

Tarot reading – card by card:

Ways to step into the new

Wisdom from The World

Keep in touch

Share this:

Like this:

The light in White Hot Truth

Some quotes from White Hot Truth

Wisdom, paradox and authenticity in White Hot Truth

Being real and who we are as influence

Review and Publication notes:

Keep in touch & free ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

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