solitude Archives

Self-leadership as the most authentic heart of leadership

January 12, 2021

A review of Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude, Raymond M Kethledge and Michael S. Erwin, Bloomsbury Publishing, 2017.

Leading yourself first, self-leadership and solitude in leadership

The value of solitude is a critical but often overlooked component of leadership success. Finding quiet space in leadership roles is challenging and even more so with the expectations of constant connectivity.

‘Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude’, by Raymond M Kethledge and Michael S Erwin, focuses on solitude as an essential practice for effective, high level leadership. Its central thesis is that to lead effectively, you must practise self-leadership and lead yourself first.

Leadership as a quiet journey

My own journey as a leader has a search for solitude as a central piece. When I was invited to speak to a group of emerging leaders, I chose as my topic ‘Leadership: a quiet journey’. I spoke about what I’d learned from my leadership experiences as an INTJ and introvert at the extreme of the spectrum. In this, I drew on learning and evidence from Quiet by Susan Cain and Quiet Influence by Jennifer Kahnweiler.

From experience, I had come to understand the value of making space and time in my day for deep, focused thought. I realised that my skill in writing was just as effective a leadership strategy as speaking, if not moreso. I had learnt most about leadership when I had no direct line management of people and it was all about self-leadership.

Being quiet, writing, reading books and seeking solitude felt like a curious thing to be talking about in terms of leadership. My discomfort made me realise that my experience was not a subject that was commonly talked about.

The challenges of finding solitude in leadership

Whilst those who are naturally quiet will likely be seeking solitude spaces in their leadership days, the challenges working against it are increasing. The impact of technology and the expectations of always being available make closing the door, going for a walk or putting an hour aside to think all hard things to justify. Technology and social media contexts create another layer for leaders as they work through the sheer amount of information and people-contact generated. It also promotes the perception of being contactable across all levels of the organisation.

The reality is that, now more than ever, all people regardless of their personality preferences, need to create the space for deep thought and reflection to enable high-level leadership practices. We need the discipline to unplug and connect with ourselves and the larger vision and purpose of our work. We need to be aware of what we are losing by not making this space in our days.

Solitude, self-leadership and leadership qualities

With ‘Lead Yourself First’, Kethledge and Erwin build on the work of Susan Cain and others, extending the context of valuing quiet strengths into the critical difference that practising self-leadership and solitude in leadership can make for all personality types.

Through research, case-studies and interviews with inspiring leaders, the authors make a strong case for establishing the discipline of leadership solitude. They create a space where leadership and solitude can be talked about together more comfortably. In addition, they provide a qualitative evidence base for this. Most importantly, they provide practical strategies for creating solitude to enable strong self-leadership and through this, the effective leadership of others.

Kethledge and Erwin focus on four leadership qualities that solitude enhances:

clarity
creativity
emotional balance and
moral courage.

Their analysis of each of these qualities is through stories of how leaders have accessed solitude. For example, you can find clarity through both analytical clarity and intuition as shown in contrasting case studies of how Dwight Eisenhower and Jane Goodall honed their leadership skills in different contexts.

The discipline and practice of solitude

According to Kethledge and Erwin, you can develop the discipline of developing a practice of quiet leadership solitude in two key ways. Firstly, building ‘pockets of solitude’ into your life in a systematic way and secondly, maximising any unexpected solitude opportunities.

These two disciplines weave through the case study and interview stories. Leaders create spaces of self-leadership and solitude in their lives in many ways. These include: running, swimming, walking, writing, tractor driving, reading, going to church and driving. Taking the Viktor Frankl maxim that there is a space between every stimulus and response, the leaders describe how they consistently create and commit to this space to develop considered responses.

Co-author and extrovert Michael Erwin, in his leadership role as an Intelligence Officer in combat zones, regularly went for long runs in 100 plus degree heat in the desert to clear his head and focus on his leadership decisions. Winston Churchill laid bricks as a way of creating a ‘personal bubble of quiet’.

The ability to recognise and make use of unexpected opportunities for solitude is also an art to practice. Events like unexpected life changes, flight delays and cancelled appointments are all potential opportunities for solitude and quiet work. The pandemic environment of covid has created more quiet, alone and creative time for some people with unexpected opportunities of working from home.

Effective leadership solitude practice

The book describes effective leadership solitude practices through a series of case studies and interviews drawn from a range of contexts. These include military strategy, politics, education, religious and civil rights, scientific discovery and the corporate world. This is valuable for seeing the universal golden threads of solitude and self-leadership and its empowering capacities for leaders.

Examples of solitude self-leadership practice include:

Writing as clarifying reflection and strategic practice:

Thinking by writing is an underrated strategic and self-leadership skill; however, it has great power to connect thoughts and generate new perspectives. Dwight Eisenhower used the strategy of writing memos to himself as a way of clearing his mind. As he described it: ‘I’m just collecting my thoughts in a structured way.’ (p7).

Winston Churchill, a serious and committed writer, commenced his writing work at 11 pm. The practice was a way of focusing his thoughts and gaining historical perspective. The power of writing gave him the ability to speak with courage and authority as reflected in his speeches of the time.

Moral courage and seeing solitude as a first principle:

Brene Brown says in her interview that the biggest mistake can be seeing solitude as a luxury. She stresses the need for it as a first principle. Whilst the social pressures to resist solitude are ever present, the courage required is worth it. As Kethledge and Erwin reinforce, solitude is ‘not the reward for great leadership but the path to it.’ (p138)

Choosing to reclaim solitude in leadership

The authors encourage readers to reclaim solitude in leadership. They provide suggestions for practical change for creating leadership solitude in contemporary times. The first and most encompassing is to reset the explicit expectations around how you plan to work differently.

Strategies include: identifying a certain number of ‘no meeting’ days a month; setting aside time to think as an identified part of the day; setting a policy of no email communication over the weekend; and more explicitly talking about the need for solitude in the workplace.

Finding physical solitude havens such as the workplace library or other quiet locations is a suggested strategy. Working from home is an option we can all hopefully explore more in current times. Identifying the life activities that help achieve the leadership qualities needed is also highlighted. This includes meditation for emotional balance, journal writing for clarity or movement for mental stillness.

Like the feelings I experienced in speaking to emerging leaders about my quiet leadership journey, we may initially feel uncomfortable in talking about solitude practices or acting on them. They may be challenging for others or we may risk being seen as non-conformist. The authors highlight that the greater consequence is a loss of priorities as we drown in lack of focus.

Contribution to solitude in leadership

‘Lead Yourself First’ is a valuable contribution to the field of leadership and to the subject of quiet influence. Susan Cain’s book, Quiet, helped make being an introvert easier to understand and talk about. I hope this book makes it easier for leaders to carve solitude into their days and to speak about it.

The experience of reading this book was, in itself, one of intense reflective solitude on my own practices. It is one I encourage you to engage in also to consider your own self-leadership practices whether you are a leader or not. I hope this book leads to people focusing on the higher purposes of leadership and to practising self-leadership, in contrast to the moment to moment response to the latest email or crisis.

As David Whyte reminds us in Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity:

‘Our bodies and our personalities are vessels, and leadership, like captaincy, is a full inhabitation of the vessel.’

We can all only benefit from that fuller inhabitation that such moments of solitude and self-leadership provide.

Author note

This post was originally a guest post for WorkSearch published on their site in 2017. As their site is no longer live, it is reproduced here with amendments to reflect current times. Thanks to Bree Rackley for social media and guest posting support for the initial guest posting.

It’s fascinating how this post written a few years ago now resonates so strongly as many deal with increased solitude and quiet away from workplace environments. I hope these insights are helpful to see the opportunities for solitude and self-leadership where we can in challenging times.

Warmest wishes

Terri

About the author

Terri Connellan is a Sydney-based certified life coach, author and psychological type practitioner accredited in the Majors Personality Type Inventory™ and Majors PT-Elements™. She has a Master of Arts in Language and Literacy, two teaching qualifications and a successful 30-year career as a teacher of reading and writing and a leader in adult vocational education. Her coaching and writing focus on three elements—creativity, personality and self-leadership—especially for women in transition to a life with deeper purpose. Terri works with women globally through her creative business, Quiet Writing, encouraging deeper self-understanding of body of work, creativity and psychological type for more wholehearted and fulfilling lives. Her book ‘Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition’ will be published in 2021 by the kind press.

Book your Self-leadership Discovery Call with Terri here.

Further related reading on Quiet Writing:

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The courageous magic of a life unlived – a wholehearted story

February 28, 2019

This guest post from Bek Ireland looks at the courage and magic of exploring a life unlived.

This is the 16th guest post in our Wholehearted Stories series on Quiet Writing! I invited readers to consider submitting a guest post on their wholehearted story. You can read more here – and I’m still keen for more contributors!

Quiet Writing celebrates self-leadership in wholehearted living and writing, career and creativity. This community of voices, each of us telling our own story of what wholehearted living means, is a valuable and central part of this space. In this way, we can all feel connected on our various journeys and not feel so alone. Whilst there will always be unique differences, there are commonalities that we can all learn from and share to support each other.

I’m excited to have Bek Ireland as a ‘Wholehearted Stories’ contributor. Bek and I met via coaching and I had the pleasure of guiding Bek through a coaching series. We worked through deep wholehearted story work and Bek focused on getting back to the essentials of what was important. In this story, Bek shares how she has moved courageously into living that life unlived she imagined. It takes brave and sometimes unorthodox steps, but that’s wholehearted work. Read Bek’s journey of working through embracing her natural personality and living her life unlived!

Come in, come in, I’ll show you around. There’s a table, which also serves as a desk of course (excuse my laptop, notebook, 2019 diary on it!) and a gorgeous little kitchen, with coffee and tea and breakfast stuff.

In here’s the bathroom, with ‘Who Gives A Crap’ toilet rolls (love it). Here we have the bed (built high so you can store your suitcases or bags under there). The comfy couch is opposite the television, although we both know that’s not going to get turned on while I’m here, don’t we?

That’s one of the very reasons I’m here!

This is the third time I’ve stayed at an Airbnb in the last few years. It’s interesting that trips are stored in the app – my first time was June 2017, then June 2018, and now January 2019.

I rent them for two nights usually, but I don’t stay overnight. All three have been within a 5-minute drive of my own house. I come for the afternoon on the first ‘night’ and then the full day of the second ‘night’.

The first time was one night, because my daughter, who was nine at the time, had gone to a friend’s house and was possibly going to stay the night, depending on how she felt. I would’ve stayed the night if she’d stayed at her friend’s, but she didn’t. So I was only there for a few hours in the afternoon and evening.

Reclaiming sovereignty

The bliss of it though! The no-TV, no-power tools, nobody talking to me. Not even offering me a coffee – so, still interrupting, still intruding on what I was beginning to understand was an innate need for uninterrupted time to myself.

When you’re a people-pleasing INFJ like me, going against the grain of 40 years and trying to establish some boundaries with scant practice is hard work. Being interrupted with the offer of coffee is excruciating. Because yes, they’re interrupting when you’ve asked politely that they not talk to you, but for an ostensibly nice reason.

It’s all too much and you give up and give in and swallow yourself and go watch TV with them.

But not if you’re in a space of your own.

The second time I told my daughter and her dad that I was going on a two-day writing retreat, which was true. But it wasn’t until it was over that I explained I’d been the only one at the retreat.

I went for walks, I wrote, I read.

I didn’t talk.

I listened to cars driving past, blokes playing sport on the oval up the road. The sounds of birds, the wind, insects. I thanked the thoughts of guilt when they came, then let them dissolve.

Agency and guilt are two of the balls I juggle as I stretch my wings to test their strength. Please excuse the clumsy metaphors. Done is better than perfect, as they say.

Wings to fly

So those two were a year apart. That’s interesting. Come the Junes had I had enough? Did I need some counterbalance mid-year? And what was happening at those times?

I quite like the wings metaphor, let’s think Angelina-Jolie-in-Malevolence type wings. So, in June 2017 you might say I was feeling the nice itch and burn of them under the skin on my back. Perhaps they were starting to protrude a little.

I’d been six months in an assistant manager position at a company for whom I’d worked, on and off, for over 20 years. A company, by the way, that in Year 12 I had sworn I would never work for. Careful what you feel strongly about is my advice to you!

If you ask me where I would have planned to work at that age, I couldn’t have told you – and I guess the universe just fills in the blanks for you sometimes, doesn’t it? Which can be good, or not so good.

Strength and the validation it brings

Anyway, I digress.

By June 2018 my wings had sprouted. Not long after my first brief, blissful sojourn, I had completed a semester of a combined English and Creative Writing/Secondary Education degree.

I deferred the following semester while I held the fort for my boss, who had been promoted to a new role. I absolutely did not want her job – leading a team of 17 across three states – but I was happy enough to fill in till they advertised her job and found someone new.

And to be honest I had gained confidence, having met a kindred spirit in Terri and benefiting from a series of coaching sessions with her; with doing well at my studies; and by being considered competent enough to be the acting manager.

And here we are, six months later, in this glorious tiny space. I would love to sleep the night, but again, juggling with agency and guilt, I find it difficult to justify staying away from home when I’m in the same town. I travel a bit for work, to Adelaide and Sydney, and of course, I stay away from my daughter then. But I have no choice – because I’m so far away.

Here, I am only five minutes down the road. And having the whole afternoon and then the whole next day to myself is good enough, for now.

But as soon as I got settled in this one, I was already planning my next stay. And I won’t even wait six months this time, let alone a year. The first time this is available again is two months from now. The only reason I haven’t already booked it is that I don’t want to seem too weird.

Remembering who you really are

Creating time and space for solitude is symbolic of my journey along the path of wholeheartedness. Believing I deserve to create this time and space for myself. Acknowledging its importance.

e e cummings said,

To be nobody-but-yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

Or condensed for modern times by Danielle LaPorte:

Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?

Getting away, stepping outside the realms of my normal life, into the magic of a life unlived, if only for brief periods of time, helps me remember who I really am. It is there I find myself. I have been there all along, but sometimes I am hard to find under the accumulated detritus of the world which does its best to make me (and all of us) everybody else.

In the majesty of silence, I can recalibrate, recharge, rejuvenate, rejoice. Quietly.

I remember thinking of Virginia Woolf and her room of one’s own. It’s a recurring fantasy of mine to rent a house of my own and semi-reside there. What riches could emerge? How might the fabric of the universe stretch and shimmer in those circumstances?

Trusting yourself and honouring your instincts

I also often long for a beloved, wise mentor. Someone who knows me, who sees me, who could guide me on the path. What’s the next right thing? Tara Mohr has an exquisite guided meditation, (you can find it here) where you journey to meet your future-self. I highly recommend it.

The last time I did it, my future-self lived alone (probably with a cat too) in a humble, funky, uncluttered small abode not far from the sea. She had wavy grey hair, and she was fit and strong. Her days consisted of long walks, reading, writing, and conversing with a community of like-minded folk from all over the planet via the world wide web.

I can see now she would live a waste-free life. She would cultivate vegetables and walk or ride to the local farmer’s market each Sunday to buy fruit and catch up with local friends face to face.

Besides solitude, reading is like breathing to me. I also love learning about astrology, and like many INFJ’s, have a wide smattering of interests.

Waking up

I have however recently acquired a new focus: climate change. I can’t believe I got to 43 knowing basically nothing about it.

In October 2018 I attended a local TEDx event. All the speakers were inspirational, but a talk by Darren Lomman of GreenBatch really stood out. He’s working to create the first plastic recycling facility in Perth, Western Australia because at the current rate, it’s predicted that there will be more plastic than fish in our oceans by 2050.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) had just released their latest report on the state of the planet and Sarah Wilson (of I Quit Sugar and First We Make the Beast Beautiful fame) had posted a summary of it on her blog. I love Sarah’s no-nonsense take on things, and read her views with interest.

Since then, I have been learning about carbon dioxide emissions, what ppm means (parts per million), who the planet’s largest emitters are and how we can avert the potentially catastrophic consequences of our mindless pursuit of economic growth.

I have bought cloth pads and a menstrual cup. I am trying to reduce, reuse, or refuse single-use plastics. I have a large bowl in the sink to save the water that would normally go down the drain when I wash my hands and rinse dishes. I have a bucket in the shower to capture a portion of the water that washes over me.

It makes me think about others that I share this incredibly beneficent earth with, others who do not have toilets or disposable pads or tampons. Others who walk miles to get water. Others who have as much right as I do to feel the itch and burn of newly growing wings under their skin.

Courage to grow

And I am delving deeper into the science and political history of the climate emergency we face, because I want to do more than aspire to waste-free living; I want to help drive policy change.

I need to educate myself, because as much as I’m growing, there’s a saying I still tend to live by: better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

I find myself noticing moments of quiet with more frequency now, and recognising that creating quiet – and solitude – for myself is a necessity, not a luxury. Quiet and solitude allow me to work out what it is that I think, how to apply the ideas I generate, and how to be confident that when I do speak, it’s from a space of considered knowledge. Reading Greg McKeown’s Essentialism guided me to figure out what was essential for me, and to live that.

I believe though that most of us are trying to raise our awareness, and knowing that I am part of a community of brave souls, finding the courage to test our wings and raise our voices, gives me hope.

With such hope, it’s delicious to imagine how the fabric of the universe might stretch and shimmer.

Key book companions along the way

Here are some books I love that have supported me:

Presence – Amy Cuddy

Essentialism – Greg McKeown

The War of Art – Steven Pressfield

The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion

Writing Down the Bones – Natalie Goldberg

Bird by Bird – Anne Lamott

The Hate Race – Maxine Beneba Clarke

Autobiography of a Yogi – Paramahansa Yogananda

Anything We Love Can Be Saved – Alice Walker

Quiet – Susan Cain (my first realisation that I was introverted, and not only was that a thing, and okay, but it brought incredible gifts)

The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood

Salt – Gabrielle Lord

This Changes Everything – Naomi Klein

Eaarth – Bill McKibben

Requiem for a Species – Clive Hamilton

About Bek Ireland

Bek Ireland leads a team of specialists helping communities build their financial capability. Bek loves reading and learning, and is passionately interested in the connections between things. She has studied, amongst many other things, astrology, English Literature, crystal healing and education. She is an INFJ and is interested in psychology and esoteric teachings. Bek has recently joined 350.org and is learning how she can contribute to raising awareness of global warming, and a sustainable future. You can find Bek on Instagram and Twitter.

Photographs 1, 4, 6 & 7 provided by Bek Ireland and used with permission and thanks.

Keep in touch + free Reading Wisdom Guide

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You will receive access to the Wholehearted Library which includes the Reading Wisdom Guide and so much more! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook Instagram and Twitter so keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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Retreat within to find approval with yourself as the best guide

May 14, 2018

Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.

Marcus Aurelius via The Art of Life Tarot – The Hermit

A Quiet Writing deep-dive Tarot Narrative each Monday to share intuitive guidance, wisdom and insights from aligned books – for the week and anytime…

This week: retreat within to find approval with yourself as the best guide for creativity + life

Theme for the week beginning 14 May

The underlying theme for this week to guide our overall focus is from Lisa McLoughlin’s Life Design Cards deck – #46 Find approval with yourself before turning your eyes to the world.

This week we are reminded to retreat within and look inside to find approval. We can so often measure ourselves against arbitrary external measures. It might be someone else’s website, career, latest offering, lifestyle, Instagram feed, family, friends, writing – anything really! There are limitless ways we can measure ourselves against the metric of another’s life. This week, it time to halt that and go within for approval and wisdom. A little personal retreat is a wise way to proceed with this week’s energies.

Advice from the Life Design Cards Guidebook is:

Don’t get hooked upon social approval. Let integrity and personal essence guide your way. Get to know who you really are by spending time alone.

Today’s narrative, led by this theme card, encourages us to retreat to channel our creative and personal energy wisely. Listening to our inner wisdom is only possible when we quiet the external noise. Then we can hear the small still voice of our intuition in a much clearer way.

This is what Quiet Writing is all about! Self-leadership through listening to yourself and letting your wisdom guide you. Prepare to retreat this week – a little or a lot – to access that inner wisdom to guide you on a clearer path.

Tarot Narrative for the week beginning 14 May

Tarot Narrative:

Are you feeling scattered because of unfinished business and all that you want to achieve? You might be feeling restless as you strive to do all the things. Taking some time to retreat within for clarity is advisable now. Setting your own pace, knowing your own best priorities, discerning procrastination from the need to gather yourself, can all be sourced from listening within. Moving ahead is just a matter of pausing to listen to ourselves and our own wisdom sometimes.

Cards: Knight of Rods (Wands) and The Hermit from the Morgan-Greer Tarot and #10 Unfinished Symphony in protection (reversed) position from Wisdom of the Oracle.

Book notes:

To engage in disciplined action first requires disciplined thought, and disciplined thought requires people who have the discipline to create quiet time for reflection.

Raymond M.Kethledge & Michael S.Erwin, Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude (p. xiv). Bloomsbury Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Today’s theme is all about taking time to retreat for solitude and reflection. Through this, we can create disciplined thought. We might go about this in creative ways, opening up our options first to distil them down. But it’s all about pausing and taking a kind of personal retreat to review and be still so we can hear our inner guides.

This fabulous book, Lead Yourself First, is all about how self-leadership through solitude and retreat can be a source of wisdom and insight. The book has numerous case-studies of how leaders have used this form of retreat to guide wise and disciplined action.

Wholehearted self-leadership

I have written extensively about the book in a guest post for Worksearch: How to become the heart of successful leadership: this is what you need to know so you can read more there. Also in this post on Quiet Writing. Here are a few thoughts from the latter explaining how wholehearted self-leadership is key to Quiet Writing:

Two key threads underlie Quiet Writing: one is being wholehearted and how we create our stories; the other is self-leadership and how we work towards being wholehearted through taking personal action. The key to taking action and knowing which actions to take are:

knowing ourselves and what we value and desire

learning to listen to our inner knowing

understanding our innate personality, including its strengths and what is challenging for us

seeking out, incorporating and acting on influence and inspiration from others.

Pursuing passion and creativity

The Knight of Rods (Wands) focuses our attention on pursuing our passions and creative projects. But the energy of the Knight of Rods can be a bit restless and impulsive. On the positive side, this type of energy can help us break through barriers and be more creative. On the flipside, we can also be trying to do all the things and all at once. It’s a great energy to work with though if we can harness it. The Robin Wood Tarot describes it as “practical action in spite of distractions.” The trick is to find a way to channel that energy in a sustainable and disciplined way. And to find a way to negotiate the insistence of multiple of ideas and the noise of numerous distractions.

Retreat and going within to find clarity

The Hermit comes along to beautifully remind us of the value of retreat to find approval with ourselves. This card symbolises that it’s time to value the need to retreat for clarity and inner listening. As The Fountain Tarot guidebook reminds us for The Hermit, “Silence leading to clarity” is key here.

Quiet Writing is all about this process of retreat to find wisdom and self-discipline. We can get so caught up in comparisonitis, measuring ourselves against others. Or it might be some pace or goal we have set ourselves which has no real rationale. With the energy of the Knight of Rods being ignited, we might be trying to achieve too many things at once.

We are encouraged to go within, to retreat into our own inner knowing so we can access the discipline of thought and intuition to proceed. It can all get so complex and multifaceted, especially as creatives, as we have one idea and then another. Stopping to gather our thoughts, make lists, mind-map, distil, make a plan, unravel, walk or free write can all be valuable ways to use this time of retreat.

Sometimes we might just need to nap or rest altogether, freeing our mind of all the thoughts running. A few days of mental rest however that manifests can mean we can see afresh and listen anew to ourselves. In ‘Lead Yourself First’, we can see a variety of ways leaders access solitude for self-knowledge including running, walking, flying, laying bricks and writing. Leaders intentionally and systematically “build pockets of solitude” into their lives. An example is Bill Gates who:

during the rise of Microsoft, set aside entire weeks to just go away and read and reflect, what he called “think week.”

Lead Yourself First: Inspiring Leadership Through Solitude (p. xv).

Through this process we can work out what matters, however we might choose to do this individually.

Unfinished business

The Wisdom of the Oracle card Unfinished Symphony steps in with wisdom around working out what is procrastination and what is real work. Our unfinished business can be a key to where we might be operating out of fear or putting things off. Being clearer about this can come through retreat and stepping back to listen within.

But we are encouraged not to stall:

Don’t overthink things or let yourself get distracted – just tie up any loose ends and deliver the results. (p39)

I am in a Coffeeshop Writers’ Group coaching program with Caroline Donahue to support reaching my writing goals. In a group call, I shared my thoughts about feeling stuck with so many projects not going anywhere or as fast as I want them to. It’s very Knight of Rods with so many projects on this ‘To Do List’ next to me. Taking some time out this week for clarity along with a little mental rest will help me reorient. It’s ironic that sometimes we need to stop to move forward more productively.

Part of us wants to run on and get out there with all of the ideas racing through our minds. Another part of us realises the wisdom of retreat to reorder and assess our ways of working. Stopping to listen within to work out priorities and in that, addressing any unfinished business, is valuable work now.

Honouring the need for retreat

How good does that image of a comfy bed, blanket and a book look to you right now?

It looks perfectly dreamy to me and I can hear my soul saying, “Well do that then if that is what you need.” With an eye to working out what is procrastination versus a real need to rest, retreat and rejuvenate, it’s time to seek a little quiet now. It’s time to listen to our soul and our creative longings and how they want to be expressed.

How might you do this? You will know your own ways to do this but here are a few ideas:

work with tarot and oracle for intuitive guidance and free write about what comes up
walk along the beach or in the city or on a quiet country road and see what surfaces
make a list of unfinished business that is troubling you so you can reprioritise
rest in bed with a good comfort read and empty your mind a little
make a visual collage to see what messages emerge
journal about what’s important to see what comes through
go on a self-guided writing retreat
practice yoga, meditate, swim or do whatever works to clear your head
declare a few days of retreat to concentrate on planning the next six months ahead
take a few days to clear your head with good food, yoga and walking to reset a new way of living
think about all the reasons to go on a writer’s retreat and then plan one!
sign up for a retreat like this one later this year in Vietnam, led by my friend Kerstin Pilz, to carve out times of retreat in your life more generally
identify the self-leadership practices in your creative tool-kit

Honouring the place of retreat in our lives is key to moving ahead productively. Take some time to journal to quell the noise and listen to your quiet inner voice this week.

Love to hear your thoughts!

I’d love to how this message of retreat to listen, check in and find approval with yourself resonates with you this week.

All best wishes for a week of untroubled retreat, embracing your hermit and connecting with your soul’s voice.

May you find inspiration in listening to your inner wisdom and knowing what matters. And let me know what you think of this post and this weekly Tarot Narrative!

Keep in touch & free ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’

You can work with me to help tap into that inner wisdom and magic guidance. Free 30-45 minute coaching consults chats are available so please get in touch at terri@quietwriting.com to talk further. I’d love to be a guide alongside to help you conduct creativity and magic with spirit and heart in your own unique way.

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A sense of home

August 3, 2015

I’ve been working away from home and travelling a lot as part of this work role. This past week, I was in a different town pretty well each night. So it was with much pleasure that I arrived home on Friday night with a few days in my blessed and special home and village.

It’s hard to describe what makes a sense of home but loved ones being there or close by is a central ingredient. For my home and village, it’s the sunshine, the water, the birds that visit that like the kookaburra above who joined me for my breakfast on my return, my personal library of favourite books, the feel of familiar carpet and river slate tiles under my feet, my own bed, a warm bath and trees outside every window rustling in an early August breeze. And it’s all blissful.

I’m lucky. I live in a special place, a village I choose to call home that is surrounded by beach and bush. As an introvert who works hard with many people interactions in my day job, both my village and house are places of retreat and recharge. A place to rest, walk, feel the sand under my feet and the water flowing over them; a place to read, write, reflect; a place of solace and replenishment; of good food, words and wine; and a place to be myself with people who love me.

Being away so much and coming back, it’s easy to focus on what is not right: the weeds in the garden beds; the renovations still not finished after months of weekend work; the stuff that’s not tidy or finished; the clutter here and there. But this weekend has been about focusing on what is right and perfect now in this house, this village, my life: a loved and loving partner; a gorgeous independent daughter with so many skills, passions and opportunities; my gentle beautiful mother; the view, the trees, the beaches and bush, the books, the creative inspirations and connections and my independence to explore it all.

I’ve gone back to a couple of my favourite authors too in coming home: May Sarton and Marion Milner, both of whom wrote journals and explored a sense of home and happiness. Their words are thoughtful and reflective identifying the passions and the hopes in being and coming home:

My daydreams are nearly all of country cottages, of little gardens, of ‘settling down’ with flowers in vases and coloured curtains. I don’t think of backaches, dish washing.

I want to live amongst things that grow, not amongst machines. To live in a regular rhythm with sun and rain and wind and fresh air and the coming and going of the seasons I want a few friends that I may learn to know and understand and talk to without embarrassment or doubt.

I want to write books, to see them printed and bound. And to get clearer ideas on this great tangle of human behaviour.

To simplify my environment so that a vacillating will is kept in the ways that I love. Instead of pulled this way and that in response to the suggestion of the crowd and the line of least resistance

From “A Life of One’s Own”, Joanna Field (Marion Milner), Virago Press, p 51

I am here alone for the first time in weeks, to take up my ‘real’ life again at last. That is what is strange – that friends, even passionate love, are not my real life unless there is time alone in which to explore and to discover what is happening or has happened. Without the interruptions, nourishing and maddening, this life would become arid. Yet I taste it fully only when I am alone here and ‘the house and I resume old conversations’

From ‘Journal of a Solitude‘ by May Sarton, Norton, p 11

I also remember that the book I am currently reading is ‘Coming Home’ by Rosamunde Pilcher. Home and the significance of its sense of place in the midst of coming and going and change is clearly on my mind and I am seeking its comfort in both a physical and spiritual sense. I take these reflections with me as I head into a new week and new month full of opportunity.

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Choiceless as a beach – a photo essay

November 9, 2014

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. To dig for treasures shows not only impatience and greed, but lack of faith. Patience, patience, patience, is what the sea teaches. Patience and faith. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach – waiting for a gift from the sea.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh – Gift from the Sea

It’s been the usual busy, a constant onslaught of work and travel and the ongoing struggle to create. The occasional day off work in the working week comes. A day to myself. A day to wander, to have coffee, to read, to walk the streets of my village, to scramble on the rocks, to stand in rock-pools, to look out at the water, to wade into the gentle waves lapping, to sit under a tree in the shade reading and watching others walk by and the boats, with the flutter of the intense sun on the water, the horizon out- stretched.

And to take photos, to snap the images of all this, the piece that can capture the release and the beauty of the place and the day and its utter choicelessness. No decisions, no pressure, no impatience. Just observing, seeing, watching what the walk, the day, the sea brings in its waves of moments and tides.

creativity introversion

Gems #7 On Creativity and Solitude

August 21, 2010

Some gems on creativity and solitude…

Leo Babauta opens a great piece on creativity and solitude with this quote: “In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.” ~Rollo May

Like Leo, I am endlessly fascinated with creativity. When I worked assiduously through the wondrous ‘Style Statement‘ book by Carrie McCarthy and Danielle LaPorte, I ended up with ‘Sacred Creative’ as the two key words for where my essence meets my expression. I love reading biographies of writers, looking at their workspaces and engaging with how they created their work.

Leo’s article, The No 1 Habit of Highly Creative People, comes up with solitude as the No 1 habit for creativity and reflects on the ways solitude fuels and supports creativity. He includes some thoughts around solitude as a source of strength from current creative people as well as some famous creative people from the past . His article, linked to this one, The Little But Useful Guide to Creativity, is a further reminder of ways of being grounded in a creative mindset. The ones that ring true for me: long walks on the beach, shutting out the outside world, getting things down and working in small steps.

I love May Sarton’s ‘Journal of a Solitude’ for capturing what it’s like sometimes when solitude and creativity come together and the raw, vulnerable feelings that come up when you do manage to get that space and time:

‘The ambience here is order and beauty. This is what frightens me when I am first alone again. I feel inadequate. I have made an open place, a place for meditation. What if I cannot find myself inside it?

I think of these pages as a way of doing that. For a long time now, every meeting with another human being has been a collision. I feel too much, sense too much, am exhausted by the reverberations after even the simplest conversation. But the deep collision is and has been with my unregenerate, tormenting and tormented self. I have written every poem, every novel for the same purpose – to find out what I think, to know where I stand. I am unable to become what I see. I feel like an inadequate machine, a machine that breaks down at crucial moments, grinds to a dreadful halt, “won’t go,” or, even worse, explodes in some innocent person’s face.” (p12)

And I love these words from the end of the No 1 Habits piece for helping to still that maelstrom of vulnerability:

‘Lastly, being creative means living a creative life. Expect yourself to have one. Believe you are creative. Know that you are. Make that the most important habit of all.’

A recent Creative Penn podcast interview ‘Authenticity And Creative Expression With Robert Rabbin’ provides some excellent tips for moving through these barriers and into the authentic and creative directions of your plans and dreams. The interview provides practical advice on how to conquer your fear of being authentic. Being playful and having fun are part of the solution. There is some really great advice to think about for moving on with creative adventures like a writing life.

Image, Gold enamelled gem-set pendantby kotomigd from flickr and used under a Creative Commons license with thanks

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solitude

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Reclaiming sovereignty

Wings to fly

Strength and the validation it brings

Remembering who you really are

Trusting yourself and honouring your instincts

Waking up

Courage to grow

Key book companions along the way

About Bek Ireland

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Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.

Marcus Aurelius via The Art of Life Tarot – The Hermit

Theme for the week beginning 14 May

Tarot Narrative for the week beginning 14 May

Book notes:

To engage in disciplined action first requires disciplined thought, and disciplined thought requires people who have the discipline to create quiet time for reflection.

Wholehearted self-leadership

Pursuing passion and creativity

Retreat and going within to find clarity

Unfinished business

Honouring the need for retreat

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