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Author – my 2021 Word of the Year check-in!

December 30, 2021

My word for 2021 is AUTHOR.

Here’s what I wrote on Instagram about what that meant sitting on the threshold of 2021:

  • stepping into the identity of author
  • embracing life as an author and learning new skills – publication, launching, author platform.
  • keeping writing front and centre in every way
  • completing, beginning and progressing writing projects
  • being visible as an author and talking about my books and writing
  • helping others embrace writing and being an author
  • helping women be the creator of their stories and the active author of their lives through enhanced self-leadership.

Here’s how that shaped up over the year and some tips for applying this learning in your life!

Stepping into the identity of author

What’s the difference in identity between writer and author? That’s something I’ve pondered this year. For me, WRITER is more focused on the process and act of writing. AUTHOR is more about what we shape and produce through writing: a finished book, something published and out in the world in some way.

I love writing especially the writer’s process so have always aligned myself to that identity. Stepping into the identity of author feels more public. It meant committing to completing my book Wholehearted: Self-leadership for women in transition and the Wholehearted Companion Workbook. After four plus years of writing, it meant moving through the long haul of creating a book – or two – and finishing them. Receiving my books in print for the first time. Having them sold by book-sellers. Seeing them in online stores. Working in partnership with editors and publishers like the wonderful the kind press. These were thrilling milestones and I’ve loved stepping into AUTHOR as my writing identity in 2022. Thanks to those who have read Wholehearted and supported me on my author journey!

Tips for you:

If stepping into the identity of author is a priority in your life for 2022:

Embracing life as an author and learning new skills – publication, launching, author platform.

This has been a huge focus this year and I have learnt so much through a combination of doing, reading and listening. Working with the kind press as my publisher has been a wonderful introduction to independent publishing. I deliberately choose the indie author path. This is because I want to keep control of my work as much as I can and have creative freedom. Learning the skills to independently publish has been something I’ve invested time and money in over the long-term for about 10 years now. So to go through the process was so exciting.

I chose to work in partnership with the kind press because even though I had some knowledge, I didn’t have the practical experience. It felt overwheling to do it all on my own. Through this partnership I achieved two goals:

  1. I independently published my books in a way I am totally delighted with, and
  2. I learnt about the independent publishing process; information I can use again and again on my journey.

Another valuable process was working through and creating my Author Business Plan with the help of Joanna Penn’s book Your Author Business Plan. This helped me to gather together what I already had created on my Quiet Writing business journey as a creative. And to work out the next steps to focus more on my author platform.

Key players in understanding the launch process as an author were my publisher Natasha Gilmour, editor Penelope Love, publicist Sian Yewdall and Jessica Tutton who I have worked with over 2020-1 on launching.

This Book Launch Checklist shared with me by the lovely Amanda Rootsey helped a lot too. It feels overwhelming at times as launching anything often does. But strengthening my skillset around launching generally helped immensely.

The other part of embracing life as an author was learning new writing skills especially around long haul writing. Editing, especially editing two books at once, was a challenging process. I was so grateful for the partnership and support of my editors, Penelope Love and Dr Juliet Richters, as well as my publisher, Natasha Gilmour and my co-writing buddy Beth Cregan!

Tips for you:

If embracing life as an author and learning new skills is a priority in your life for 2022:

  • Read Your Author Business Plan by Joanna Penn. It’s short but powerful and then do the work to create your Author Business Plan.
  • Join Beth Cregan and I for the Writing Road Trip in 2022 where we will talk about all aspects of the writing journey and support you including writing your Author Business Plan.
  • Listen to The Creative Penn Podcast.
  • Make a list of all the skills you want to work on and possible paths to learning these skills in 2022.

Keeping writing front and centre in every way

Co-writing with my buddy Beth Cregan of Write Away with Me most week mornings is a crucial element in keeping writing front and centre. I start the day with Morning Pages and Tarot as anchors for the day. The accountability with another writer helps me show up to the page regularly. We talk about writing too which keeps it centred and supported in my world.

Honouring the place of writing in my life as an author has been so important this year. To see my work published in the world is affirming and a goal of many years. Continuing to write and make space for writing as a wholehearted self-leadership skill that supports all of my life is so important. It’s the piece that holds everything else together and makes sense of it all. So I honour its place in my life including writing first thing most mornings.

Tips for you:

If keeping writing front and centre in every way is a priority for you for 2022:

Beth Cregan

Completing, beginning and progressing writing projects

I like the energy of this one. And it captures the idea that writing is an ongoing process and one that has many parts: including getting ideas, researching, drafting, editing, publishing. This year I have worked on the mindset to have writing projects going at different stages. Anne Janzer’s book The Writer’s Process has helped me with this through getting clearer about the different cognitive gears and tools used at different stages of writing. We can use knowledge of the writing process and our personal preferences to juggle multiple projects:

…stagger the start times so the projects are in different phases: research, drafting, incubation, revision. Create the right work environment and conditions for each type of work. If you are freshest mentally in the morning, do the drafting first thing. Schedule research and revision for the other parts of the day, and remember to leave unstructured time to ponder what you’re learning in the research.

Anne Janzer, The Writer’s Process p.142

As I completed both books ready for publication, I also worked on combining the Wholehearted Stories on Quiet Writing into a single draft. It helped manage my energy and keep me motivated to have a new writing project to work on as the others were completing. This idea of managing multiple projects is one I want to work on more in practice.

Tips for you:

If completing, beginning and progressing writing projects is a priority for you for 2022:

The book The Writer's Process by Anne Janzer sitting on a weathered table next to a Traveller's notebook and pen with a spiralled shell and an anemone shell.

Being visible as an author and talking about my books and writing

This has been a big one this year. As writers, we often operate behind the scenes. The work happens in relative privacy and sometimes no-one else sees what we are writing for a long time if ever. But the writing is one thing and the being visible and talking our books via Instagram or Facebook Lives, Masterclasses, virtual or in personal book launch events and on podcasts is another. It’s been new territory for me to be so visible as an author and I’ve embraced it.

I stepped up into talking about my book via Instagram lives. I’ve enjoyed speaking about Wholehearted and the writing process on the following podcasts:

The more you do it, the better you feel. Taking the time to prepare speaking notes on questions provided or brainstormed ahead helps immensely to be clear in what you want to say.

I also started my own Create your Story Podcast launching on 29 October 2021 and have enjoyed sharing conversations on my Wholehearted book with key connections. I’m loving podcasting and the deep conversations shared. I hope you find inspiration in there too – there are many gems!

I held two virtual book launches of Wholehearted given we were in lockdown. You can catch them on the podcast as Episode 2 and Episode 3. I also had a live event with the lovely Anna Loder.

You can join a Wholehearted Self-leadership Book Club where we will do a year long community walk through the book with me as your guide and coach. It’s not too late to join. Our community call on Section 1 of the book is in mid January. So head here to join up now – there are still a few spots available.

It’s been a time of stretch talking about my books and writing in all these different ways but I’ve loved it and I hope it’s been helpful. I have so much more to say and share.

Tips for you:

If being visible as an author and generally is a priority in your life for 2022:

  • Send a pitch to me to be on the Create Your Story Podcast. I’d love some new author guests!
  • Listen to podcasts to see how others talk about their books, writing and authorship. Check out my interviews above.
  • Prepare speaking notes for answering questions on podcasts and author interviews so you are ready. Do this even if you don’t have any podcasts booked as yet! This helps you get clear on what you want to say about your writing.
  • Check out Joanna Penn at The Creative Penn for lots of author books and podcasts including her book, Public Speaking for Authors, Creatives & Other Introverts.

Helping others embrace writing and being a new author

As I’ve gone on my writing, authorship and publishing journey, others have reached out to me for advice and support. I’ve helped them in various ways – through my coaching and more informally. I’m a writing teacher by background and helping others to write and create their story is a consistent thread in my life. I found as I committed to writing in a deeper way and stepped more fully into the author role, it’s natural for me to help others.

Throughout my transition journey, I’ve offered women the opportunity to share their wholehearted story and step into being a guest writer on Quiet Writing. Over 20 women have taken up the offer. I’ve helped each of them to craft and share their story so they can feel proud and empowered. You can read the Stories of Wholehearted Living on Quiet Writing. Women have found this to be a healing process that helped them share their deeper, more personal story, sometimes for the first time. Each wholehearted story helps others to write theirs. Readers feel inspired and not so alone in their journeys to living more fully. I collated these stories into one volume for potential publication in 2022. It reminded me of all that I have done in this space as a writing teacher and coach and the powerful voices shared.

For a long time I’ve felt called to offer a program to create community, inspiration and connection for people while writing. This is especially for longer pieces where you need support and tenacity. In partnership with my morning writing buddy, writing teacher and mentor, Beth Cregan, we’ll be kicking off the Writing Road Trip in early 2022. So if writing is high on your list of priorities for 2022, get the support, mindset insights, skills, community and conditions to help you write. You can get on the email list for the Writing Road Trip program now. We are sending out writing inspiration via our newsletters. Working on this partnership and community with Beth is a real joy and I look forward to shaping a supportive writing-focused community in 2022.

Tips for you:

If embracing writing and being a new author is a priority in your life for 2022:

Helping women be the creator of their stories and the active author of their lives through enhanced self-leadership.

All of my work is about helping women to be the active creator of their stories. It’s the focus of the Create Your Story Podcast, my Wholehearted Books, my 1:1 coaching and my group coaching programs. I have a mindmap here of my planned creations when I kicked off my business with ‘Create Your Story’ firmly in the centre of that map of ideas. Create Your Story and Wholehearted Self-leadership are aligned concepts. And 2021 was the year in which many of these ideas came to fruition especially with the podcast and books being launched into the world to share inspiration and strategies with other women.

The place where I work most intimately with women is 1:1 coaching and this is the quiet undercurrent of my work which continued in 2021. Women set goals and moved through blockages; they dealt with unhelpful mindsets and they put practical strategies in place to help them achieve their desires. Coaching has been a bedrock in my own transition journey and I invite you to consider coaching with me if wishing to make change need support on that journey. We all can benefit from such guidance. Sometimes there’s only so far we can go by ourselves. Coaching is via 1:1 or group programs including the Book Club and Writing Road Trip in 2022.

Tips for you:

If creating your story and being the active author of your life is a priority for you for 2022:

So what was your Word of the Year and how did it manifest?

So take some time to reflect on your word of the year – or intentions and goals – and see how it played out. It’s not always as we plan. Sometimes it’s more conscious as it was for me this year. Other times it is more subconscious and we forget our word or focus and then find it has manifested anyway. But take the time to reflect! There are often buried jewels there and important realisations to take forward.

Let me know in the comments here on social media how this played out for you!

I’ve got my Word for 2022 ready to go! it came pretty easily this year. I’ll share more about it in the first week of 2022. So stay tuned. Love to hear what’s coming up for you as a focus for 2022 too.

inspiration & influence planning & productivity transition

CONSOLIDATE: My word for 2020 + tips for consolidating in your life

January 7, 2020
consolidate

It’s 2020 and as always I choose a word to capture my intentions for the year. This year my word is CONSOLIDATE.

This word has been arriving for some time in 2019 through my monthly intention setting, morning pages and tarot practices. It came through a sense of appreciating what I already have and also through feeling overwhelm at having many things on the go. Books I’m not getting to, clothes I’m not wearing, courses I’ve invested in that I haven’t fully honoured.

Part of this overwhelm is a symptom of starting afresh and trying ALL THE THINGS to make it work. At a time like this, we can grab on to so much to help us but over time, we realise selectivity and focused effort is going to be far more effective in the long run.

My partner Keith and I also have a rental property business. We have worked on this together for nearly 20 years now and both have 25+ years of experience in this area. It is a key part of our income stream. I need to skill up and be more active in our partnership. With opportunities to combine my property and coaching skills, I want to promote a positive mindset and practical skills for property as part of a ‘multiple streams of income’ strategy.

The personal and beyond

Personally, it has been a huge transition time over the past three years, a big learning curve and time when my whole life pretty well changed in some way. Having set up two new businesses – Quiet Writing and our property solutions business – it is time to review where I am and look at how I can most productively and sustainably build on what I have created.

Currently, too we have terrible bushfires raging in Australia that have burnt out more than 5.9 million hectares (14.7 million acres) and resulted in immense loss of all kinds – lives, wildlife and homes. A national disaster that defies description and breaks my heart, it was sadly predictable. It has sharpened reflection for many on living more sustainably and appreciating what we have. With so many losing so much, it brings home what is of value and what matters. How we act, protect and look after what we have as a nation and as an individual. Head over to this page for more on what’s happening, responding and taking action including in creative ways.

The intention to consolidate

My intentions from around November 2019 on have been around the urge and desire to consolidate:

I consolidate my learning and effort, making connections in support of others and to grow.

This intention will stay with me as my mantra for the year. As always when we choose a word of the year, we never know how it will unfold. I look forward to learning from a spirit of consolidating this year.

What CONSOLIDATE looks like for me

My Morning Pages notebook is an integral planning tool in my life. On 3 December 2019, I did a page list of what CONSOLIDATE looks like in my life. Here is that list updated to now, noting those completed and in-process as I write:

  • Working on finishing the first round of the Sacred Creative Collective strongly with clients ✅
  • Sharing experiences from the SCC first round, gathering testimonials, sharing them (in process)
  • Crafting experiences from the first round of SCC and building on them for the next round. (in process)
  • Building client connections further, including connecting with SCC clients for mid-February 2020 start. (in process)
  • Working further on my website and funnels, applying learning from Soulful Sequences with Ellie Swift (in process)
  • Providing feedback to my editor on my Wholehearted book draft and thoughts as we progress the editing process.
  • Independently publishing my Wholehearted: Self-leadership for Women in Transition book
  • Working on property skills and upskilling on renovation, interior design and managing AirBnBs. (in process)
  • Upskilling in coaching mastery and mindset through working with a master coach. (in process)
  • Consolidating my work as a property business owner and coach.
  • Following up from the Australian Association of Psychological Type (AusAPT) Conference in November, sharing reflections, resources and learning.
  • Organising my AusAPT volunteer social media, website and state lead roles in a more sustainable and structured way.
  • Reflecting on 2019 via December Reflections on Instagram ✅
  • Reading, finishing books, getting to books I have been meaning to read that I already own.
  • Working on resources and courses purchased to maximise the investment and outcome.
  • Creating an inventory list of these resources and scheduling time to work on them and implement the learning.
  • Learning about Trello and using it for 2020 planning and action tracking. Thanks to Nicola Newman for sharing her experiences to inspire me including recommending Mastering for Trello for Business which is fantastic! (in process)
  • Organising and decluttering inboxes.
  • Organising and decluttering photos.
  • Tidying up electronic files/desktop so I can find things.
  • Organising and decluttering office and workspace.
  • Organising and decluttering my wardrobe.
  • Getting back to self-leadership via Morning Pages and Tarot Narrative as anchors. ✅
  • Writing a piece for Julia Barnickle’s What if life were meant to be easy? project. Join in for this community project in January! ✅
  • Sharing pieces already written in new ways.
  • Finding new markets for my writing.
  • Consistently writing inspiring content on the Quiet Writing blog and social media, streamlining ways of working.
  • Reviewing blog post categories; refreshing, reviewing all blog posts.
  • Finishing my Body of Work page. ✅
  • Working out how best to share Wholehearted Stories in ebook and other formats to inspire others. (in process).
  • Making Quiet Writing a more inclusive, representative space and community including looking at my own biases and privilege.
  • Becoming more informed about climate change and being more vocal about its impacts and the impact of non-action.
  • Look at where I can recycle, reduce, reuse.
  • Starting a podcast on personality and personal stories.
  • Getting back to playing the guitar.
  • Getting back to writing poetry.

“Phew!” I have written in my Morning Pages notebook next to that list. A big list, but it is great to get it down and share it with you as a form of accountability. It can feel overwhelming but getting ideas out is a great first step to organising them and being in action. Trello is going to be super useful in organising my projects and time this year to action these steps to consolidate. And I keep reminding myself I have ALL YEAR to work on these consolidating actions.

Tips to consolidate your life

So from the above, here are a few tips to consolidate your life:

  • Make your own list like mine of what a consolidate strategy might look like for you.
  • Embrace lists generally as your friend to keep track and also celebrate the wins and progress.
  • Learn about Trello or other tools to structure your desires, be in action and keep track.
  • Group your ideas into projects that can help connect and align them.
  • Work with a coach to help you be accountable and in action in consolidating your energies and shaping sustainable ways of living with deeper purpose.
  • Tune into what is worrying you or feeling incomplete in your life as a way to let go, move on and tie up the loose ends.
  • Honour your body of work over time and seek to build on it.
  • Look at what you have already done and see where you can reshape, reorder, repurpose existing material eg blog posts, guest posts, ecourse material.
  • Make an inventory of what you already have and make it able to be easily found.
  • Ask yourself, “What have I already got?” before you purchase or do something new.
  • Look at where you can recycle, reuse, reduce.
  • Explore links between existing skills and areas of your life to make new connections.

So how will you consolidate in 2020?

I hope my ideas have inspired you to look at where you can consolidate in 2020. Love to hear how you plan to make the most of what you already have and upskill, repurpose and make connections in your life. Share in the comments or on social media.

And if you would like to consolidate your life in more meaningful ways in 2020, the Sacred Creative Collective Group Coaching program kicks off mid-February. Join with me and a community of women as we explore sacred creative life skills for deeper purpose and intention. Especially if you are going through a time of transition or feeling isolated in your creativity, this is for you. Limited to 10 participants and value-packed, we work globally across group and individual dimensions to ensure your needs are met in an enriching online environment. Bookings for Discovery Call to learn more HERE.

sacred creative

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Joy in travel and seeing new landscapes – a photo essay

January 3, 2019

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined.

Henry David Thoreau

travel

Joy and travel align so beautifully! This post explores how the joy of travel and new landscapes helped refresh my senses and provide new perspectives.

Joy as my Word of the Year in 2018

Joy was my Word of the Year for 2018. I’m reflecting on my experience of JOY last year in a series of posts here as a way of rounding off the year and stepping into 2019.

I’ve realised that each quarter of the year delivered a new lesson and experience about finding joy:

  1. alongside deep grief
  2. and resilience in challenging times
  3. in travel and being away from home (this post)
  4. in creative work and my calling (to come soon)

I hope you find these reflections valuable for your own journeys with joy, grief, resilience, creativity, travel and wholehearted self-leadership. And I look forward to your thoughts and experiences too on these issues and feelings.

travel

Finding joy in travel

It’s pretty well nearly always joyful to set off on an anticipated overseas trip. But this one was so long in coming, it felt extra joyful.

We were just about to go overseas when my mother was diagnosed with cancer and so of course, we cancelled that holiday. In all, we cancelled six holidays over 18 months as we dealt with the challenges of late 2016 into early 2018 and focused on supporting loved family members.

Finally in the second half of the year, we set off overseas for a trip to Europe and the UK. We travelled first to Singapore and that evening after arriving, we sat in our favourite hotel with a drink relaxing and I felt quiet tears of joy.

It meant things were okay and settled down now. It was a desperately needed change of scenery, an opportunity to relax and see new places, and fulfil a dream of going on a river cruise down the Rhine. We also planned to visit towns in Germany where my ancestors departed from to travel to Australia, to catch up with online friends I hadn’t met in person, and to connect again with family and friends overseas. It was the most joyful of times. 

travel

Joy and travel revisited

Just as absence makes the heart grow fonder, so the inability to travel made me yearn for new landscapes. Until I could travel again, I would follow other’s journeys with such wanderlust, eager to also embrace travel as we had planned for this time of our life. This whole experience helped me to take nothing for granted. After the challenges of the previous months, I immersed myself in every new place and experience so in the moment.

In Singapore, we love the orchids and visited the National Orchid Gardens and the Gardens by the Bay as well as the zoo. We indulged our senses in every way in the humidity of Singapore, surrounded by flowers and animals. It was so refreshing for my jaded sensibilities.

We then headed to Frankfurt as a base for exploring Germany and connecting with ancestral places. I caught up with my friend Kerstin Pilz of Write Your Journey. First connecting online, we had met face to face in my village in February in 2018, then found out we were both flying into Frankfurt, from Vietnam and Australia, within the same 24 hour period. What synchronicity! It was such a joy to connect and have lunch in the Römerberg Square in Kerstin’s home-town. Catching face to face with online friends was a special feature of this journey creating such treasured moments I cherish.

travel

Joy, travel and family history

A key driving factor in our holiday planning was heading to see the places in Germany where my ancestors left from to travel to Australia. Much of my family is from England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, but my paternal grandmother’s grandparents came from Germany. So I was so very keen to see the places they lived in and where they once walked and lived.

We visited Würzburg, Wertheim and Eichel on the outskirts of Wertheim where they lived. I went to the church where my great, great, great grandfather Johann (Jakob) Leonhard Roos was baptised in 1826. My ancestors were vineyard workers in this region of Germany and then came to work on Henry John Lindeman’s vineyards in the Hunter Valley, north of Sydney. I could feel their ancestral presence everywhere in this region of Germany and felt so much at home.

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travel

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joy + travel

The joy of river cruising

The central part of our trip was a river cruise from Amsterdam to Basel. We’d never been on a cruise of any kind and thought a river cruise would be the best way to commence our cruising experience.

It was sublime. From the moment we stepped on, we enjoyed every moment. A combination of the pleasures of onboard experiences with onshore excursions made for such a pleasurable journey. Once you are aboard, you unpack your bag and just kick back for the week and watch the world go by.

travel

We had also never engaged with more organised travel with a structured itinerary and tour guides. Again, we enjoyed this as it meant we didn’t have to navigate and could learn from guides with local knowledge. You could choose to opt out of onshore excursions and stay on the boat often cruising to the next stop. This was an occasional introverted treat when all the interaction and input got too much.

Travelling by river means seeing so much you cannot see any other way. A highlight was the mid Rhine River lined with castles and vineyards, the Lorelei a central feature we snaked through. We sat atop the vessel as we wove our way through, seeing castle and after castle and wondering how such immense structures were able to be built.

travel

We visited cities and towns along the length of the Rhine River, hearing of their history and traditions. A broad-brush approach perhaps but a fabulous way to get a sense of place and identify where we  to return to with more time to explore. We especially loved Colmar, Strasbourg, Rüdesheim, Cologne and Koblenz. A visit to the underground Maginot Line in France near the German border was an incredible insight into the lengths taken to defend against the potential reoccurrence of conflict after World War I. Our hosts went to every length to make sure each port provided opportunities to taste the unique flavour and history of each place we visited. 

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And then to Vietnam

Shortly after we returned home, I headed off for a solo trip to Hoi An, Vietnam for a yoga and writing retreat with Kerstin Pilz. It was my first solo trip overseas at 57 which caused much mirth in our family. But it was truly great to set off alone for a week of writing and yoga in beautiful Hoi An, a place I’d long wanted to visit. Having my trusted friend Kerstin, a local Hoi An resident, leading and shaping the retreat meant I felt well looked after and knew my needs would be supported.

They were supported and so much more. I’ve written a full review of the retreat here. Following on from time away in Europe and the UK, it was all about seeing with fresh eyes in every respect. The week was pivotal in getting back to both yoga and writing practices after my time away. I made enduring friendships and my senses were refreshed and revitalised, bringing a deep joy after an at times challenging year.

Having stretched both my writing and yoga muscles and revitalised my senses in every way, the scene was set for the last quarter of the year and experiencing joy in my calling and new work in the world.

joy + travel

joy + travel

Photo by Nigel Rowles

Find Your Word process + tools

First though, some information on the process and tools that can help you. If you have never worked on a Word of the Year, it’s a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. For the first few years, I found I was writing the same goals each year and not achieving them. This was mostly about writing books and making space for creativity in my life. Each year was swallowed up by work and my creative goals kept getting lost. 

In 2016, I started doing things differently. I began to make my transition. Now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Amy Palko also offers My Word Goddess Readings with suggestions for your word for the year linked to a Goddess of the Year. Also a practice I have invested in for a few years now, it provides valuable intuitive insights and suggestions for words that might help drive your year’s energy positively.  

joy + travel

You might also enjoy:

Joy and resilience in challenging times

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside deep grief

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

Joy – 18 inspiring quotes on enjoying what you do and love

Writing retreat in Hoi An review + photo essay – seeing with fresh eyes

Grief and pain can be our most important teachers – a wholehearted story

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also find inspiration in my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below. 

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

inspiration & influence transcending

Joy and resilience in challenging times

December 27, 2018

For a wise woman once

told Her that Her tears

were the most

healing waters of them all

Rise Sister Rise – Rebecca Campbell

resilience

Can joy be part of resilience in challenging times? This post explores how developing resilience and a kind of joy in small moments can help us through the most difficult times.

Joy as my Word of the Year in 2018

Joy is my Word of the Year for 2018. I’m reflecting on my experience of JOY this past year in a series of posts here. 

I’ve realised that each quarter of the year delivered a new lesson and experience about finding joy:

  1. alongside deep grief
  2. and resilience in challenging times (this post)
  3. in travel and being away from home (to come soon)
  4. in creative work and my calling (to come soon)

I hope you find these reflections valuable for your own journeys with joy, grief, resilience, creativity and wholehearted self-leadership. And I look forward to your thoughts and experiences too on these issues and feelings.

resilience

Joy and resilience in challenging times

In the second quarter of the year, we faced extreme challenges as a family. Circumstances that took us all into unfamiliar territory. Again and on the back of the first quarter’s experiences, I had to work out where any sense of joy and optimism sat alongside all of this.

A book helped me immensely at this time: Rick Hanson’s Resilient: How to Grow an Unshakeable Core of Calm, Strength and Happiness. Practical, positive and based in neuroscience, this book focuses on 12 hard-wired inner strengths and how to cultivate them.

I read this book as an audiobook while driving and also an ebook when at home, dipping into its wisdom whenever I could. A toolkit of psychological resources and strategies, it helped me realise the resources I already had for navigating this extreme time. It also provided simple but powerful tips for changing my mind-set as I dealt with significant pain and challenge.

resilience

Resilient practices and joy

The two practices prompted by reading ‘Resilient’ that helped me most were:

  1. Honouring my psychological resources
  2. Feeling the beauty of joy in small ways as well as feeling pain

Honouring my psychological resources

Having been through a fair amount of pain, challenge and loss in my life, I’ve built up psychological resources to be more resilient and strong. We all do this. Everything we go through teaches us if we are open to the lessons.

At times, I have had to dig deep and be reflective, talk to special friends and professionals. I’ve learnt when to spend time alone, when to practice self-care and how to balance my needs with others. Tough lessons all and with more challenges stretching me, I dug deep into my learning this year and I learnt more. I am much better at contacting people and talking when I need it now rather than battling on alone. 

I sought help from a psychologist to check in on my well-being and psychological resources at this time. This was positive and encouraging as someone trained and objective listened to what was happening and how I was dealing with it.

She provided valued feedback that I was doing well at this challenging time considering all that had happened and was happening. This helped me feel more self-compassionate and self-confident even as I felt overwhelmed. Perhaps not a feeling of joy, but it certainly helped me immensely. I was ready for a series of sessions if need be. But I found for this time, one session and conversation was enough to feel stronger and self-reliant, drawing on my personal resources.

Feeling beauty in small everyday joys as well as feeling pain

A big learning this year has been that it is okay to feel the beauty and joy of everyday things even as we feel immense pain. 

Rick Hanson reminds us we can take an approach of gratitude:

Thankfulness is not about minimizing or denying hassles, illness, loss, or injustice. It is simply about appreciating what is also true: such as flowers and sunlight, paper clips and fresh water, the kindness of others, easy access to knowledge and wisdom, and light at the flick of a switch.

This ability to acknowledge and feel concurrent truths helped so much. One helps to balance and provide grounding for the other. I have found special joy in swimming, reading, writing, tarot work, sitting in the sun, cups of tea, coffee and connection with special friends and family at this time. These simple acts were a blessing and wisdom that helped me move through so much.

resilience

Feeling all the feelings

Sometimes we just need to acknowledge and accept that things are terrible and dark and find the points of resilience and strength that will get us through. In this way, we can discover transcendent energies we can tap into. They fuel us and help us strengthen wholeheartedly for life.

As a person with INTJ Jung/Myers-Briggs® personality type preferences, feeling is something I have worked on over time to balance my natural tendency and strength for thinking and logic. I am much better at working with both the head and the heart now. Through this time I learnt to experience feelings more deeply – sadness, anger, exhaustion, helplessness, frustration, fear, worry, pain. There were plenty of feelings moving through me. 

I’m more open to going through feelings as a process step to the next stage rather than going around them. Especially through my intuitive work with Amber Adrian over time and her writings on All the Feelings, I’ve learnt to lean in and really feel my feelings. Crying and physical expression of feelings were part of this too. Amber has reminded me to ask “What next?” with feelings. In this way, we can move on and through, clearing out and moving onto the next stage of what we are dealing with and our response.

resilience

Joy and resilience

So there wasn’t so much joy in this second quarter of the year. It certainly didn’t feel joyful and at times, it was just very dark. In response to my post on joy and grief on Instagram, Cheryl Haezebroeck aka @the_intrepid_goddess shared that:

I love how a word of the year is such a learning experience because not only is the Word featured but the shadow is there too for our awareness and healing.

This is true. We can’t expect it all to be our stereotypical version of a word. Nor can we expect it to be all sunshine and light just because we choose a positive word, as lovely as that would be.

The lessons are often deeper and more long-standing involving shadow work. As I learnt with joy and grief, understanding the ability to live with paradox in challenging circumstances made all the difference. I was able to carve out small spaces of the day to manage self-care and practice resilience as I dealt with the most extreme worry.

And in the smallest moments, joy found a place in my heart and kept me hopeful, optimistic and confident that I knew what to do. These moments sustained me and kept me strong as I drew deeply on my resources to care for both myself and loved ones.

Have you experienced something like this? How have joy and other positive practices helped you with being resilient? What have dark circumstances taught you about the paradox of joy and resilience? Share your thoughts in the comments or on social media – Facebook or Instagram.

Find Your Word process + tools

First though, some information on the process and tools that can help you. If you have never worked on a Word of the Year, it’s a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. For the first few years, I found I was writing the same goals each year and not achieving them. This was mostly about writing books and making space for creativity in my life. Each year was swallowed up by work and my creative goals kept getting lost. 

In 2016, I started doing things differently and began to make my transition and now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Amy Palko also offers My Word Goddess Readings with suggestions for your word for the year linked to a Goddess of the Year. Also a practice I have invested in for a few years now, it provides valuable intuitive insights and suggestions for words that might help drive your year’s energy positively.  

You might also enjoy:

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside deep grief

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

Joy – 18 inspiring quotes on enjoying what you do and love

Grief and pain can be our most important teachers – a wholehearted story

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also find inspiration in my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below. 

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

inspiration & influence love, loss & longing

Joy and grief: the paradox and wisdom of finding joy alongside grief

December 19, 2018

This post explores joy and grief: how I have been able to find joy alongside deep grief, the challenges and what it has it taught me.

joy and grief

When you see joy beside the agony, you have the keen vision of a Soul warrior.

Danielle LaPorte

Joy and grief in 2018

Joy is my word of the year for 2018. I shared the beginning of my story of working with ‘joy’ here. It certainly wasn’t what I expected. Though I knew it was never going to be an easy or straightforward journey. Reflecting on this past year, I’ve found the journey of exploring joy falls into themes or stages around the quarters of the year of finding joy…

  1. alongside deep grief
  2. and resilience in challenge
  3. in travel and being away from home
  4. in creative work and my calling

This post explores finding joy alongside deep grief and how the two can co-exist. A focus of the first quarter of 2018, this theme and learning has continued through-out this year in different ways. It’s been an undercurrent that I continue to work with even now.

The challenge of choosing joy

Choosing joy as my word was always going to be full of challenge. The end of 2016 and all of 2017 were very challenging as I supported my beautiful mother after her diagnosis with metastatic breast cancer in September 2016. After a very tough year, my mother passed away on Christmas Day last year and her funeral was in the first week of 2018.  So as you can imagine, joy was not a feature of life through that time. 

But I chose the word joy because I wanted more of it in my life. It’s a word often associated with Christmas and that time highlighted just how far I felt from feeling joy. Even the concept of ‘enJOYing’ life in any way can seem challenging when you are caring for another with a terminal illness and then supporting them in the final stages of life. A friend described this time as an “agonising privilege” and it is this exactly. So putting in a claim for a year around joy in 2018 always felt somewhat audacious and optimistic. I wondered what it would bring.

joy and greif

Finding joy alongside deep grief

Balancing even the thought of joy with grief was hard in practice especially at the start of the year. I attended the Priestess Business Workshop,  part of The Goddess Roadtrip led by Julie Parker and Sora Surya No in early January. It was the day before my mother’s funeral and being amongst powerful, supportive allies and female energy felt like the best place to be. The wonderful Jade McKenzie ran a session at the workshop on being seen and what we unapologetically wanted to be. We stood up one by one to say this and be witnessed by the room and women there. 

The statement I wrote down, in line with my word of the year, was: “I am unapologetically joyful.” When it came to my turn to stand up, I just froze. I couldn’t get the words out. The tears came and the room, full of female coaches and healers of all kinds, was silent and encouraging. All the women there held powerful, silent space for me as I gathered my strength and dealt with the tsunami of emotions barrelling through me.

Eventually, through tears, I was able to say the words, “I am unapologetically joyful“. I felt immediately stronger claiming joy, if also very fragile. It demonstrated the enormous tension that lies in the juxtaposition of grief and joy. I began to have a deeper sense that day of how challenging this paradox of grief and joy might be.

It’s like we are drawn into a binary view of the world, not allowing ourselves to feel joy in any way when we are in deep sadness and pain. I realised finding joy, playfulness, fun, laughter and happiness again against a backdrop of deep grief was not going to be easy. But it felt central to this year’s journey.

joy and grief

The paradox of joy and grief

A big learning this year is that it’s okay to feel the joy of everyday things at the same time as we feel immense pain. We tend to make it an either/or, saying to ourselves either I feel grief or I feel joy. I cannot feel both. It can feel like a terrible tension and betrayal of our pain if we feel good in any way. And feeling joy or lighter feelings can somehow feel like a betrayal of a particular person and their memory. It as if we feel we need to stay in a certain emotional space to honour that person. In this, we can deny ourselves positive feelings and experiences that can help us move through the grief and loss. Over time, this can set in and become habitual and the mindset of how we live.

Danielle LaPorte in her book White Hot Truth has much to say about the wisdom of paradox and courage to change your beliefs. She deals with a number of paradoxes such as: 

Lead with your heart and… Your head.

Be open-hearted and… Have clear, strong boundaries.

Trust and… Do the work.

From Rock Your Paradoxes 

For me, joy and grief is a kind of paradox and polarity we can work with, one that does rock our beliefs but brings wisdom in its wake.

Difference between joy and happiness

Danielle has something to say about that too in her piece, The difference between joy and happiness. And why it helps to know.

Herein lies the heart of the matter. The key thing is it is not about a mutually exclusive choice between feeling grief or joy. It’s not about the more fleeting feelings of happiness either. Learning to navigate the paradox of feeling joy and grief at the same time is a journey of wisdom. It’s one I’ve spent much of the year on. Danielle’s piece provides powerful insights. Here are a few perspectives that distil my experiential learning about joy and grief:

Consciousness is not an either/or equation. It’s about bothness.
The capacity to expand into bothness — the awareness of your joy in all circumstances — is so much of what it means to evolve…

Happiness is like rising bubbles — delightful and inevitably fleeting. Joy is the oxygen — ever present….

Joy is the fibre of your Soul….

This means that it’s possible to grieve with your whole heart, and still sense your joy. You can feel rage, and be aware of joy waiting patiently for you to return, and take deep comfort in that.

Danielle LaPorte 

 

Lessons from joy and grief

So this year has been full of heart-felt lessons about joy and grief.

It’s been full of learning to live in paradox and seeing joy as a kind of oxygen. This learning set the tone of the first quarter of the year as I moved through the deep grief of losing my mother. As people who have been there will know, it’s a defining moment of your life. At the same time, I also experienced my job being deleted and becoming redundant in February. So there were layers of different kinds of grief I was working through all at the same time.

I learnt it was okay to feel joy – celebrating the joy of my mother’s beautiful life, the strength that lives on in me, my female ancestry and lineage, her loving kindness and knowing she was cheering me on as always as I moved into a new phase of life. All of these qualities and the simple pleasures of water, light, tea, sun, reading, swimming, friends and family helped me navigate much at this time.

Grief and joy can co-exist. By weaving one with the other, the passage through is deeply felt but somehow more sure-footed and grounded. Being able to smile and embrace the full gamut of emotions simultaneously is a wholehearted learning joy has taught me.

This first part of the year set the tone. It taught me that joy is often found in the smallest moments that we allow ourselves to feel even as we feel great sorrow. The light of joy can shine gently into the shadows of our sadness helping us find pockets of positive reflections to sustain us and move us forward.

I learnt more on this on the way through the year – and share further in the next posts to come.

Shared with much love and in memory of my mother, the most truly beautiful person, who taught me how to feel joy alongside deep grief in the most selfless of ways. 

joy and grief

More information: Word of the Year resources

Working on a Word of the Year is a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. In 2016, I started doing things differently and began to make my transition and now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014!

Amy Palko also offers My Word Goddess Readings with suggestions for your word for the year linked to a Goddess of the Year. Also a practice I have invested in for a few years now, it provides valuable intuitive insights and suggestions for words that might help drive your year’s energy positively.  

You might also enjoy:

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

Joy – 18 inspiring quotes on enjoying what you do and love

Grief and pain can be our most important teachers – a wholehearted story

Never too old – finding courage and skill to empower your dreams

How I plan to manifest energy joy and intention to make the most of the coming year

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also find inspiration in my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below. 

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

inspiration & influence

Finding JOY in the everyday – reflections on my Word of the Year for 2018

December 13, 2018
finding joy

Joy as my Word of the Year in 2018

Joy is my word of the year for 2018. Have you worked with a word of the year? It’s a powerful way of focusing on what you want to manifest. The journey is not always straightforward though and sometimes we wonder why we chose this word in the first place. But the process of working with these words we choose, or that choose us, is full of rich wisdom if we take the time to reflect on it. Here’s my story of JOY as my word of the year in 2018. It’s a journey of finding joy in challenging times and learning how joy can sit alongside grief and be a source of resilience. I’m going to share this journey over a few days and posts. I hope you will come along and also share your Word of the Year experiences.

Find Your Word process + tools

First though, some information on the process and tools that can help you. Working with a Word of the Year is a powerful process. Susannah Conway has a fabulous free Word of the Year ecourse available each year that I often dive into. It works really well alongside the Unravel Your Year process and free workbook that Susannah also creates and generously shares each year. I’ve been working through both processes to review my year and plan for the next one since 2014.

I credit these practices with contributing to deep realisations about where I was stuck and needed to make change. For the first few years, I found I was writing the same goals each year and not achieving them. This was mostly about writing books and making space for creativity in my life. Each year was swallowed up by work and my creative goals kept getting lost. 

You know that saying: 

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always gotten.”

attributed to Jessie Potter

 

In 2016, I started doing things differently for different outcomes and began to make my transition. Now at the end of 2018, I am two years in to my change journey and life is very different. It’s much more in line with the dreams and visions I had way back in 2014 and about being in creative action!

Goddess of the Year

Amy Palko also offers My Word Goddess Readings with suggestions for your Word for the Year linked to a Goddess of the Year. Also a practice I have invested in for a few years now, it provides valuable intuitive insights and suggestions for words that might help drive your year’s energy positively.  My Goddess for this year has been Hecate, the Goddess of Compassionate Witnessing and of the crossroads. It certainly has been a year of compassionate witnessing and crossroads. And this knowledge has helped me negotiate my path at a challenging times. This series of reflections will also be an opportunity to reflect on Hecate’s role in this year’s unfolding. 

finding joy

Choosing joy

So my word for 2018 is JOY. Choosing JOY was always going to be full of challenge. My mother passed away on Christmas Day last year after a very tough battle with metastatic breast cancer and her funeral was in the first week of 2018.  Joy had been hard to come by in 2017. I just gave Christmas spirit generally a pretty wide berth last year. This wasn’t too hard being in a palliative care hospital for much of the time in the lead-up to Christmas. 

Choosing joy as my word wasn’t difficult though either despite the contradictions. I didn’t need to work through a workbook or think too much. It just came to me. At the same time, my daughter gave me a hand-painted Egyptian papyrus Christmas card featuring JOY in large letters so that sealed the deal in the most lovely of synchronous ways. This beautiful card, the feature image for this post, has sat beside me all year shining a light as a reminder of my focus in everything I do.

finding joy

Finding joy in stages through the year

In reflecting, I’ve realised each quarter of the year delivered a new lesson and experience about finding joy:

  1. Finding joy alongside deep grief
  2. Finding joy and resilience in challenge
  3. Finding joy in travel and being away from home
  4. Finding joy in creative work and my calling

As I’ve taken time to reflect on my learnings via Joy and Hecate this year, I realise I have much to say about my journey this year. So I’m going to post on these four journeys over the next four days as a way of reflecting deeply on this time. Plus in another post, I’ll reflect on my Goddess of the Year work and working with the energies of Hecate this past year. 

Integrating learning from this year of finding joy

This has all reminded me that this reflection and integration step is so important as we move on and through into the next year and stage of our lives. So I’ll hope you’ll join me in this reflection process! I hope it might inspire your own reflections too and I encourage you to share your journeys of your word for this year. Or the process of coming up with a new one in 2019. I already have an inkling of what mine might be! Do you know? Love to hear. Share your thoughts in the comments or join the discussion on Quiet Writing on social media on Facebook and Instagram .

And if you are looking for a coach to work with you to light the way, I’d love to be that coach for you! I have two more spots for an early January start for a 3 month coaching series so pop over here to book a complimentary chat with me now to plan for a positive, productive and joyful 2019. You can go direct to this link to book a time for this free chat via Zoom video-conferencing.

Inspiring reads

Here are some more inspirational reads to light your way and look forward to sharing more on my journey of finding joy this year!

Joy: 18 inspiring quotes on inspiring what you do and love

I’m a Creativity, & Self-leadership Coach, a Writer & more

Practices and tools to support creative productivity, writing and mind-set

Photo credits from elsewhere – used with permission and thanks:

Wood pathway photo by Amanda Klamrowski from Pexels

Keep in touch + read the books that shaped my story

You might also enjoy my free 94-page ebook on the ’36 Books that Shaped my Story’ – all about wholehearted self-leadership, reading as creative influence and books to inspire your own journey. Just pop your email address in the box below. 

You will receive the ebook straight away! Plus you’ll receive monthly Beach Notes with updates and inspiring resources from Quiet Writing. This includes writing, personality type, coaching, creativity, tarot, productivity and ways to express your unique voice in the world.

Quiet Writing is on Facebook and Instagram – keep in touch and interact with the growing Quiet Writing community. Look forward to connecting with you and inspiring your wholehearted story!

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